


No Rest For The Wicked

by Attackongays



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Bakery and Coffee Shop, Fluff and Angst, Gore, Host Clubs, Japanese Culture, M/M, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2019-10-18 19:30:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 41,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17586974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Attackongays/pseuds/Attackongays
Summary: Ash is a college student on exchange in Japan when he starts to have strange dreams. Suddenly he is living an alternate life in his sleep with a boy he had never met. Everything changes one day when he walks in to a coffee shop and quite literally, meets the boy in his dreams.Note: I will write smut for this





	1. The First Dream

His eyes were glazed over Ash’s, their almond shape bearing warm brown irises. He couldn’t take his eyes off this boy’s face, he was afraid that if he looked away he would no longer be met with the same expression again. The boy had so much longing pulling at his furrowed brows. He had such thick dark hair with layered bangs cut perfectly to just barely brush the tips of his eyelashes. They were in a bed, but he had no idea whose. Ash’s head was in the boy’s lap, looking up at his addicting expression. He felt so happy, the most at peace he ever had felt. Yet all at the same time, he felt like everything he had ever had was about to be ripped away from him. Including the boy who continued to look down on his face in such a way he had never seen someone look at him before. He had never felt that feeling before. There was a window spraying light out onto his face from the side of the bed, and he could hear the faint noises of a bustling city outside. Just on top of that sound were the soft breaths of the boy above him, the boy now seemed troubled as his soft breathing grew just a little heavier. 

 

The sunlight on his cheeks got hotter, most likely the result of a cloud moving clear of it’s path. Now the sun was naked against his face, his eyes starting to hurt as his view of the boy’s face above him grew more clear. 

 

Now he could see how much the boys skin looked like caramel as it reflected the sun, his nose was shiny and maybe even just a little bit oily by the way light reflected off the bridge. His lips were parted slightly, small but somehow still looking puckered. Ash felt a longing to hear the boy’s voice. He looked like someone who only spoke of sweet felicities. If he kept staring into his eyes, would the boy eventually part his rose colored lips and whisper something to him? His longing then suddenly felt like he was dying for some response from this boy. Why wouldn’t he say anything? Why did it feel like Ash was suddenly stuck in time, cold and stagnant. How long had he been like this? How long had he been aware of his head pressed into this unknown boy’s lap, staring intently above him. Would they rot like this? Without a word to spare? 

 

He couldn’t quite calculate when the tears in the corners of his eyes accumulated, but he was now crying, before he could even account for the sudden sadness that had now harvested itself in his gut. Tears had began to roll from the corners of his eyes, his view of the boy began to blur as more tears tumbled from the sides of his cheeks, tickling his hot skin in their path. No matter how many times he tried to blink the tears away, the image of the boy above him was still blurred. Then his mouth opened to speak, as if in protest of the tears blocking what use to have been such a pretty view. 

 

“ _ Talk to me _ .” He was crying.

 

“ _ Please, I’m begging you. _ ”

 

“ _ Say somet _ -.” 

 

Everything had abruptly began to shake. His chest, the bed on it’s posts below him, and the blurred image of the boy above him. His senses were numbed, mind fogged with short sobs and confusion. 

 

“Jishidesu! Jishidesu!”

 

The somewhat alarmed voice of a woman rang. It didn’t come from the boy above him, and it didn’t come from the bustling city outside the window. It wasn’t coming from the world he was in. Ash’s eyes opened just after that, and saw nothing but the white ceiling above him. The boy had vanished, the sounds of the city, along with the longing in his expression. His phone beside him was still buzzing when he had woken up. As reality set in with the blazing sun that met his eyes through the blinds of his screen door. He realized he had slept through another earthquake, and also his first period class. He reached for his phone lying by the side of his pillow and swiped away the earthquake warning from NHK news. He opened Line where his only other friend attending University in his exchange program had messaged him one too many times for comfort. His thumb lazely pressed open the messages. 

 

「Shorter: Dude, let’s walk to class together. I saw this cute girl at the bus stop yesterday, if she’s there again I’m ganna ask for her Line.

 

Shorter: I forgot the homework...shit...let me copy it this morning before class?

 

Shorter: Ash where the hell are you

 

Shorter: Ash I am sad and alone

 

Shorter: did you feel that earthquake? 

 

Shorter: If you’re late to class again I am punching you in the neck 」

 

Almost immediately after Ash read through the microscopic crisis Shorter apparently had while he was busy crying in his sleep, he had thrown his phone back into his tangled sheets and sat up. Ash already knew it would be another long Monday as he brought a hand up to his face and attempted to rub the exhaustion from his eyes. As he did so, he was surprised by a wetness on his cheeks. He had really been crying, he couldn’t recall anytime in particular where he had cried in his sleep before. His dream was just so, _ real _ . It was like he had lived that moment before, like he knew the boy who was looking down on him. It scared him, everything about the dream. 

His phone buzzed once more. Ash fished through the sheets to find where he has dropped it. 

 

「Shorter: “Dude what’s your problem? Morning wood? 

The shits? Please don’t leave me alone like this already. It’s only been a month since we got here.” 

 

Ash: “I overslept again.” 」

 


	2. The Second Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Happy Friday everyone! If it's Friday where any of you might be reading lol. I think that I will be trying to post a new chapter every Friday but some chapters will definitely take more time than others. Also I wanted to note before this chapter that the language I at least imagine in my head all the characters speak among each other is Japanese, except for conversations specifically between Ash and Shorter because they are both fluent in English in the show. So my word choice may sound a little weird for Eiji because I wrote his dialogue thinking about how Japanese sounds in my mind so I am sorry if it sounds weird. I want to try to stay true to how it's like talking to people in Japan versus how conversations go in America. I won't keep babbling about it so enjoy the new chapter! Thanks for reading!

As a cloud smothered the blazing sun, Ash’s eyes slit open, the sky looking bluer than when he had first closed his eyes in the first place. He had watched the blazing orange color from inside his eyelids as he softly drifted between wake and sleep. His body felt fatigued from fighting the force of the waves in the ocean upon hours before. He had been laughing, yelling, falling into each wave and coughing on the bitter saltwater that went up his nose every time he got splashed. He pondered on how he could go from not being able to stop playing in between each wave and pushing the boy down into the water whenever he found where the shallow parts of the ocean floor dropped. Yet now he couldn’t be bothered to move a single muscle, his body sinking into the crisp green grass below him like he was creating roots underneath the ground. 

 

“I feel like cheese.” The boys voice giggled, lying not far from ash’s side. 

 

“What?” Ash giggled, his lazy eyes trying to make a shape out of the cloud above him that was now smothering the sun. 

 

“I feel like the ground is bread, and I’m melting on the ground like a cheese toast.” 

 

“What the fuck.” Ash’s eyes squinted, nose wrinkling up as he giggled more. He laid his head over to the side so he could see the boy. He was going to tell him how stupid his analogy was but when he saw how the boy was looking up at the same cloud he became nonetheless breathless. The boys black hair was still damp from the sea, his long bangs brushed up to expose his forehead. He watched as the boys dark eyelashes fluttered as a breeze came by. The boys skin had already grown darker since they left out for the beach that morning, his cheeks even showing a warm pink color. 

 

“What does...this cloud look like to you?” The boy muttered, eyes narrowing as they traced the edges of the cloud. The cloud no longer concerned Ash, who was now tracing the lines of the boys magnificent profile. He loved the small curve of his nose and how his cubis bow dipped up to show that his pink lips were parted oh so slightly. 

 

“I stopped looking at the cloud a while ago, did the shape change?” Ash inquired, suddenly longing to reach his hand over to Eiji. Before he could become shy or scared his hand had already began to do so. He reached over and brushed the back of his forefinger against the boy’s hot arm. Something changed within the boys face then, his dark thin brows furrowing softly before the boy’s face reluctantly turned to Ash’s, his flushed cheek pressing into the grass. 

 

“Ash.” 

 

Ash’s eyes were met with the boy’s soft brown ones. Ash didn’t respond, his fingers sliding down the boys silky arm until he felt them tickle the palm of his hand. Before he could move any farther, he felt the boy lace his fingers with his. His hand now met with a warmth he never wanted to live without. A smile now pulled at the boys mouth, eyes pressing slightly closed as if he could slowly fall back asleep. Ash could have devoured the boy whole in that moment, it was the sweetest thing he had ever seen. 

 

“Ash.” The boy spoke breathlessly. 

 

“Hm?” 

 

“Can we stay like this forever?” He asked, his eyes then slowly opened before they trailed from Ash’s bright emerald eyes down to his parted lips. The boy’s cheeks looked so much redder now, but despite that he didn’t dare to stop squeezing Ash’s hands.

 

“I don’t deserve such perfect things.” Ash responded. The boys eyebrows then furrowed once more, pink lips pressing into a line. Somehow he even made soft looks of frustration also the sweetest thing Ash had ever seen. The boy suddenly pulled his hand from Ash’s, leaving Ash feeling so empty. Before Ash could open his mouth to react in any way the boy rooted his palms into the grass and pushed himself up to a sitting position. He quickly slid a slender leg over Ash’s torso, and like that, the boy had pressed himself into a sitting position on top of Ash’s lap. The boys thighs hugged the sides of Ash’s stomach. Ash never realized how short and thin the boys swim trunks were, until they were ridden up his smooth caramel thighs like they were. Ash’s eyes grew wide, looking up at the boys determined face. He wasn’t as aware of being shirtless with the boy until that moment, or how tight his own jean shorts were starting to feel. He looked up at the boys smooth chest and slender stomach. What a good idea it was to hang their wet T-shirts up on the clothing line as they bathed in the sun. 

 

“Then let me at least give you something you’ll remember forever.” The boy boldly spoke, he leaned down with his hands now pressed into the soft grass on either side of Ash’s face, softly brushing his lips against Ash’s. The boys eyes were slightly parted, watching Ash’s as they showed a hunger Ash had never seen before. The boy remained so gentle despite his sudden assertiveness, so Ash had grabbed the boys face with both hands and pressed his lips hard against the boys. He wanted to feed every hungry bone in the boy’s body. His eyes squeezed shut as he beckoned the boy to part his soft lips with his thumb which gently pressed against his chin. Almost instinctively, the boy had responded by hesitantly parting his lips for Ash to follow the movement by eagerly dipping his tongue into the boys mouth. He tasted like saltwater and cherry cola. The boy let out a sweet breathy moan, his body sinking harder into Ash’s lap. Ash parted his eyes open to see what the boy looked like now pressing harder on his lap with his tiny thin swim shorts and hot caramel skin but now...

 

Now Ash was staring at the wall, clutching a pillow to his chest, curled into the corner where his bed met the shitty wallpaper. Why did he have to dream about such  _ things _ , he thought. The sun was blazing through the cracked blinds on his sliding door to the balcony. It was definitely way past ten pm at that point. After a few more moments of trying to fall asleep, his rolled over on his back and through the blankets off his body. Still laying down, he suddenly felt uncomfortable as he blinked his groggy eyes a few times until realizing a tightness in between his legs. “Shit.” He mumbled, looking down to see that he had dreamed himself up a boner. He suppose it was a good thing it was Saturday, and reluctantly pressed his hand into his boxers, thoughts of a certain boy wearing small swim shorts flooding his brain. 

 

―

 

“So what’s the place you wanted to go to again” Ash asked, stepping off the train with Shorter at his side. A few woman standing on the platform outside the train stared at the boy’s vibrant messy purple mohawk with wide eyes. Everywhere Ash went with Shorter, he was always stared at. “I think you’ll really like it, it’s a coffee shop.” Shorter responded, looking down at google maps on his phone as they hurriedly crossed the platform to change trains. Every train station near Namba or Osaka station was packed at nearly anytime of day, but Saturday afternoons were the worst of all. Ash could already feel his blood pressure rise as he attempted to weave passed the swarms of people switching trains and lines in every direction. Ash wanted to go back home already, fantasizing about frying up some gyoza and play Super Smash Bros on his Switch while huddled underneath his heater for the rest of the night. “I know you don’t like how busy the Loop Line is but we’re heading to Osaka Station today.” Shorter interjected, pinching at the arm of Ash’s sweater and directing him towards the escalator that lead to the train for the loop line. “ _ God _ , you’re torturing me.” Ash grumbled, pulling his arm away, the fabric of his sweater snapping away from Shorter’s fingers. “It’s good coffee, trust me! Oh-ne-ga-i!” Shorter responded in his ‘annoying trying to be a cute school girl voice’ that chilled Ash to his very bones. What would he do without Shorter to annoy him in every way? Ash smirked, punching at the boys arm as they stepped on the escalator and began ascending to the second floor. Shorter leaned his arm against the railing, standing on the step in front of Ash. “You know Ash, in Tokyo, they stand on the other side of the escalator.” Shorter then said, pressing harder against the right side of the railing as a few salarymen hurriedly pushed their way past them. “Oh really?” Ash responded, he hadn’t lived in Japan for long, but he already felt uncomfortable thinking about standing on the other side of the escalator. He always felt like he was in the way of something whenever he left his room since coming to live in Japan. The escalators were skinny, the doorways were short, and he seemed to always need to duck or squeeze himself into the corners of the trains during rush hour to avoid blocking the patchways. “Let’s go to Tokyo sometime, maybe during Spring break? Will your scholarship money let you do that?” Shorter asked stepping off the escalator as they met the top. “My scholarship isn’t that extravagant, you know.” Ash responded.

 

About 6 train stops later the boys were pressing past the crowds of people and began navigating via Shorter’s google maps iphone application to the coffee shop he was so was just  _ so  _ excited about. The shop was located in one of the shopping centers beside the station, so Ash was relieved that he didn’t have to walk too far in the cold. They rode the elevator to the floor of the cafe, walking around the corner to the view the entrance, the boys were hit with the overwhelming smell of freshly ground coffee beans and pastries. Ash felt himself relax slightly at the smell, viewing the entrance of a small yet crowded cafe in front of him. The entranceway was wide open, exposing the dimly lit cafe with simple decorations and light wash wooden seating. There were freshly potted pink and yellow flowers sitting in front of the hostess’s counter, and a long bar sitting area that lined the perimeter of the cafe. The perimeter walls were clear glass that outlooked the crowded station and the rest of Umeda. The boys approached the entrance and Shorter had held up two fingers towards the hostess who had inquired how many people would be seated. “If we seat you at the bar, we can seat you immediately.” The hostess said, she was much shorter than the boys, an older woman with her hair pulled back in a tight ponytail. “The bar is fine.” Shorter smiled back at her, and with that the boys were led towards to empty seats at the bar. Ash sat down, looking down on the city below him. Just below were the train platforms where people were packing themselves on the trains. He looked out towards the skyline and saw the bright red ferris wheel that sat on top of the Hep-5 building. It was rotating slowly, the carts on the ferris wheel looked so tiny from where Ash watched. The giant city looked like it was built from small legos whenever he watched it from the upper floors of the station’s shopping centers. 

 

“I will be your server for today, would you like to see an English menu?” 

 

A peculiar voice reached Ash’s ears, and in that moment Ash felt everything in his stomach turn, his suddenly skin tingling and cold. He slowly looked back towards the voice, he knew it was their waiter but,  _ how did he know that voice _ ? His eyes were met with a boy who was looking down at a small electronic pad, dark hair hanging over his eyes as he quickly pressed a few buttons on the screen. “An English menu would be good, do you speak English?” Shorter had replied, and the waiter had reached in between the two boys to flip over two glasses that had been sitting upside down on the counter. With a pitcher of ice water he had in his other hand he calmly began to poor into Shorter’s cup. “Sorry, I don’t know much English. You’re Japanese is very good though!” The waiter smiled, and Ash felt like someone had stabbed him ruthlessly in the heart. Even the way the corner of the boy’s lips pulled upwards were exactly like...his  _ dreams _ .  _ Who are you?  _ Ash thought. He couldn’t even begin to fathom what he was seeing, or hearing. Ash could clearly see the side of the boy’s face now as he leaned further in between them, now filling Ash’s cup with water. The way his bangs hung over his face, the warm tone of his skin, even the way it shined a little bit when the dimmed light hit it. It was all exactly as Ash remembered it. 

 

“Thank you!” Shorter had replied to the boy, still trying to make small talk even though it never worked out in his favor when they went out. It was so difficult for Ash and Shorter to make friends as foreigners, but Ash thought that maybe Shorter’s bubbly personality got in the way for the both of them a lot of the times. The boy wore a dark green knit sweater that hung over his shoulders in an oversized fashion with the sleeves rolled up to expose his slender wrists.  He wore black trousers that ended just above his ankle with glossy black dress shoes. His thick dark hair wasn’t over styled with gel like most of the men in Japan fashioned, but it looked neat and maybe even a little shorter than how it looked in Ash’s dreams. _In his dreams, what was he thinking?_ This boy was a real breathing human, how could Ash have possibly known him previously on any occasion? He never looked at anyone long enough to memorize all the features this boy held, to even learn about them in his own sleep. He must have been going absolutely crazy. The boy then placed a menu on the counter in between the boys that had been tightly wedged underneath his slender arm. 

 

“Please let me know when you are ready to order.” The boy spoke, now standing directly in front of the two boys. Without a doubt, everything in this boys stature, Ash knew like the back of his hand. Like that, the boy then carefully bowed, and turned his heal and rushed to the hostess counter as one of the other waitress’s anxiously beckoned him. “Our waiter is so adorable right? I bet he gets tons of cute girls’ numbers all the time man... I want to be his friend!” Shorter said excitedly, the two of them turned back in their seats to face the window once more. “Yea…” Ash responded, voice sounding slightly out of breath. He felt like he would be sick, like he could pass out even. What the  _ hell _ was happening to him? “Yo why are you all flustered all of the sudden? You know, you’re pretty too, I bet he’d take your Line.” Shorter joked, pressing against Ash’s arm with his elbow. 

“Dude, pick out what you want to eat already.” Ash brushed off the comment, suddenly getting overwhelmed with the actual  _ contents _ of his dreams. Even the one just from this morning it was the most...well...personal. He felt guilt and shame wash over him hard, and suddenly he felt like he needed to take about twelve million showers. He flipped open the menu that sat between him and Shorter. “Do you want to get food or just coffee.” Shorter asked, skimming through the pages. “I don’t have much of an appetite, so I’m just going to get an Americano.” Ash responded, he couldn’t imagine eating a meal for days from that point on. 

 

“I really want something sweet, the sweets here are sooo good.” Shorter responded, already distracted by the desert page. Not even a few seconds after reading through all of the pastries and tarts Shorter had flipped the book shut. “Ok I’ve decided, you can call that cutie pie back over here, or if you’re too shy, I will.” Shorter’s eyes narrowed at Ash, a shit eating grin plastered on his face. “Since you’re mr. social butterfly, you call him over.” Ash teased, trying to play off that he was absolutely not  _ freaking _ the  _ fuck  _ out. “Sure thing, sweet pea.” Shorter responded, neck stretched as he attempted to peer around the booths and tables in the cafe for sight of the boy. “I refuse to call over any of these other waiters until we get cute boy.” Shorter added, eyes scanning the room like he was terminator or something. “Just ask the closest person dude, stop making a scene.” Ash mumbled, wishing Shorter would act just a little more discreet. Ash didn’t want to not see the boy again, he could barely even comprehend why he saw the boy in the first place. What would he even say to the boy though? Wouldn’t he scare him shitless if he happened to mention that he had several vividly intimate dreams about him in another life on top of his Americano order with extra half and half? No, that wouldn’t fold over smoothly in the least. Ash didn’t even know if he was even capable of talking directly to this boy in the first place. 

 

“I wonder if he’s over ther-” Shorter had then stood up, and just as he had done so to stupidly keep looking directly across the restaurant, the boy had been walking backwards at Shorter’s side while speaking with a coworker in front of him. As shorter had stood up, the boy’s back hit the taller boy and immediately whipped around. In surprise the boy began a pitiful balancing act with the tray in his hand, and as it nearly fell from his hands, he lunged forward in attempt to bring it back to balance. Instead, a tall glass of mango juice came crashing down into ash’s lap, the glass leaving the monstrous situation by shattering on the ground at Ash’s shoes. 

 

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.  _ Shit _ . 

 

“Customer! Are you okay? Are you okay customer? I am so sorry, I am so sorry!” The boy frantically spoke before squatting down on the ground and quickly but carefully trying to pick up each large shard of glass, and placing it on the tray. “He’s okay! I am so sorry for stepping in the way, I didn’t see you.” Shorter interjected, down at the boy in front of him before looking back up at Ash with wide eyes. Ash narrowed his eyes at him, slowly shaking his head in disapproval. Shorter then tipped his head down towards the boy who had just placed the last large shard onto the tray. “Here’s our chance.” Shorter mouthed, as if he was on some creepy detective mission to get this boy’s Line. The boy had then stood up, and looked directly into Ash’s eyes. 

 

“Please!” The boy was looking at Ash now, and now that Ash saw him from so close, so upfront, he couldn’t believe he was looking at the boy he’s been looking at every night in his sleep. He seemed even more stunning in real life like this, in his realization. 

“Please let me buy you new pants when I am not working!” The boy finished. His face was red, body tense as he waited anxiously for any kind of response from Ash. Ash slowly looked down at his pants, which happened to be soaked with Mango Juice. He never even realized it, and with that he slowly looked back up, expression still blank. He didn’t know what to do now that this boy was talking to him. The boy then turned to Shorter “Does your friend understand Japanese? Can you please translate for me?” He asked Shorter, bowing his head down several times as he spoke. 

 

“If you exchange Line with my friend, you can buy him new pants later. He can go to the bathroom and wash off now. It’s okay, it was an accident!” Shorter spoke to the boy, trying to ease the boy’s concern. The boy then turned back to Ash, quickly pulling his phone out and opening up Line, he discretely handed his phone to Ash. Ash tried to keep a steady head as he pulled his own phone out and quickly added the boy by QR code. When the boy’s profile popped up on his own phone, he saw that the profile picture of the boy was of him smiling in front of Osaka castle. It looked like it was taken sometime in fall, because the trees surrounding the castle had bright red leaves. The boy was wearing a long grey wool coat, with a white collared shirt underneath a brown sweater.  He looked so fucking cute, how could Ash let his nervousness ruin his chances of actually making a friend in this bizarre situation, maybe after getting to know the boy was completely different than the one in his two dreams, he’ll understand it was all in his head. Maybe in the end, dreams are just dreams, and Ash needed to stop freaking out about a doppleganger. Ash gained composure, and then carefully read out the hiragana of the boy’s name. 

 

“E-i-ji?” He spoke, eyes glancing up at the boy who was anxiously looking around the cafe to make sure no one saw that he was exchanging information with a customer. After seeing that the coast was clear, the boy locked eyes with Ash once more.

 

“Yes, my name is Eiji!” He responded, a nervous smile forming on his face.

  
Ash smirked, head cocking to the side “Nice to meet you, Eiji-san.” 


	3. His dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Early chapter update because I don't know how to organize my time. I wanted to also note that I used inspirations from Akimi Yoshida's art book Angel Eyes for inspiration of the dream scenes. I really wanted to illustrate her drawings in words. In Chapter 2 I actually based Ash's dream off a small portion at the end of her art book that showed Eiji and Ash go on a cute trip to Cape Cod *dries tears*.  
> Also I made a playlist of the songs I listen to/remind me of Banana Fish that I like to write to you so I will link it here if anyone is interested in listening while reading. https://open.spotify.com/user/cghmd7523k7658hye0vzt4jsp/playlist/2ZkyAS7sNYoWwOMicUHhrA?si=q3ayP9z6QzulhdRjQhwj_A  
> And OMG I am going to the Banana Fish cafe for the second time tomorrow here in Japan, Ash and Eiji themed mixed drinks here I come ＼(*T▽T*)／ﾜｰｲ♪

“I’m home.” Eiji said quietly, his soft voice letting out a sigh as he shut his apartment door behind him and flicked the lights on. Leaning his hand against the wall he stepped out of his dress shoes in the genkan before swapping them with his house slippers. As he stepped up onto the hardwood, his eyes scanned from his tidy kitchen to the left to his quaint living room to the right, finding his fluffy white cat snuggled up in the cardboard box beside the couch. He expected for her to be there, having not been able to recycle the box due to his fluffy friend refusing to sleep anywhere but inside of it. “Kikochan, are you hungry?” Eiji inquired, the small fluff ball of a cat delicately hopping out of the cardboard box in response. Eiji smiled down at her as she approached excitedly his feet. After hanging his coat up on the hook beside the door, he slid the strap of his black leather bag off his shoulder and placed it on the floor at his side before squatting down in front of her. She began purring as she pressed the crown of her head into Eiji’s fingers. He ruffled up her soft cotton like fur. “Aaa, Kikochan...I had such a strange day. I’m glad to see you slept well.” He said softly, not wanting to startle the now loudly purring cat. Eiji gave the cat one last scratch behind her ear before standing back up and setting his bag on the couch. He walked back towards his right into the kitchen, and sifted through the cabinet over the sink to get a can of cat food. He could already feel Kikochan weaving her way in between his legs and pressing her body against his ankles as fumbled to pop open the can.

 

After tossing the metal lid in the trash can beside the fridge he squatted over Kiko’s bowl which wasn’t sat but a few inches away from the trash can. After shaking his wrist a few times the wet food fell into the center of the bowl with a wet plop. Kikochan was barely inches away from the bowl when the the food fell, hungrily dipping her head in to take the first bites. Eiji sighed, watching her small pink tongue lapping at the food. Even on one of the most stressful days, he still found such comfort in his cat. He always looked forward to coming home to her company. For all the lonely nights he had spent reading manga on his couch and refusing to let her leave his lap, she deserved much more than the expensive canned food he bought, instead of using the extra cash to buy new shoes or dishes.

 

After a few more moments of watching her eat, he stood up and walked over to the sliding door to the bathroom. He then walked to the bath, leaning down and turning on the tap. The water rushed out loudly, hitting the dry tub floor. He slid his hand under the hard stream and checked  the temperature before he plugged in the drain and stood upright once more. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, he examined his tired face before pressing a hand through his bangs to expose his forehead. He still looked a bit flushed from earlier that day, the sides of his cheeks still glowing a soft hue of pink. He couldn’t seem to shake off what had happened. He knew he was a clumsy person but, how could he be _that_ clumsy? There was just something about those foreigners. Especially the blonde man, who had such piercing green eyes. Seeing foreigners in Osaka wasn’t exactly uncommon, especially in Umeda where he worked. Why did Eiji have to screw up in front of such a striking looking man, why did he have to screw up so bad at a time like that. He pressed his face into his hands, remembering it all like it happened just 5 minutes ago. Dropping the mango juice in the man's lap. Exchanging lines while the managers weren’t looking, his coworkers having to interrupt waiting tables to help clean up the mess afterwards.

 

The blonde man had went out of the cafe to wash off in a nearby bathroom after they had exchanged Line. His bubbly friend who became flustered from the whole situation had ordered a caramel latte with a fruit tart and an Americano to-go before rushing out of the cafe as well. Eiji didn’t know how he wasn’t fired on the spot for his stupid clumsiness. He was lucky the foreigners didn’t react poorly to the situation as well. He just didn’t know what he supposed to message to the blonde guy. He couldn’t imagine being met with his smirking face again, he didn’t even know if they even sold pants long enough for his long legs here in Japan. He had to message the man though, he _had_ to. What kind of person would he be if he didn’t make it up to him. He anxiously reached towards the pocket of his dress pants and pulled out his phone, opening up Line to start a new chat with the boy’s profile. The boy didn’t have any profile pictures. beside the little empty silhouette icon he read the name ‘Ash’. He reluctantly began to type out a message, thinking of a soft way to phrase his apology, while also tangling in an inquiry for them to meet so he could settle the whole ordeal. “This is Eiji, from the cafe today. I am really sorry for ruining your pants”…..That sounded too weird, and too terrifying out of context. Eiji held on to the backspace button until his words blinked off one by one in the chat box. “I’m Eiji from the cafe. I am so sorry about today, I hope you can let me take you out for lunch and-” How creepy could he sound? He sighed deleting the message once more, pondering for a few long seconds before stabbing at another attempt. “Good evening Ash, this is Eiji from the cafe. I am so sorry for today, if you are free this week please let me take you for lunch and a new pair of pants.” He supposed it was best to be blunt, the boy was from the western world afterall. Without realizing at first, Eiji had held his breath as his finger anxiously lingered over the send button before lightly tapping it. To be frank, Eiji was nothing less than curious about the man. The image of his messy long blonde hair that hung over the sides of his pale angled face, the soft arch of his brows that were just a few shades darker than his hair, and his slender yet shapely lips the soft color of cherries. Of course there were also his eyes, which had the color of emeralds. His attention with those eyes were so tantalizing, like somehow he was special for being stared at in such a way. Eiji wondered if he was met with those eyes again, would he become addicted to them? No...he couldn’t have these kinds of thoughts, what had gotten into him?

 

It was a strange day indeed, and Eiji hoped that with a long bath and shower, he could clean out the memory. He quickly stripped off his clothes and neatly folded them before placing them on the sink counter. He placed his phone in the middle of the stack. He then padded over to the tub, and carefully placed both of his feet in before slowly sinking down and letting the water slowly devour his body until it finally met halfway up his neck, his muscles releasing tension as he sighed into the warmth. His eyes felt heavy, and his legs felt sore from his long shift at the cafe. He let his eyes softly close, trying to let his mind go silent, focusing on the last few drops that fell into the full tub from the faucet. Although, it didn’t take long at all for Eiji to begin replaying the events from the day for the millionth time in his brain. When would Ash respond? What would Eiji do if he never did? A ping of disappointment rung in his chest at the thought of the situation dissipating into nothing, but isn’t that what he wanted? To settle the whole thing? To return to working at the cafe, lonely nights keeping Kikochan in his arms, sunday afternoons taking pictures in the city for his small instagram following to like, going to the Izakaya once every two weeks with his coworkers, and pretend to be familiar with them? Eiji knew he acted somewhat meek, and wasn’t the type to be social or hunt for a girlfriend to eventually marry, or become a salaryman after college and slowly work his way up in a company he would always feel indifferent towards.

 

Eiji remembered his life in High school, before he went to University, and before he was a job hopper with a small apartment on the outskirts of Umeda. When his whole life was pole-vaulting and grades. He felt that when he was injured that was the most exciting part of his life, it brought the most change to his life in the least. He wondered if he wouldn’t be living so dully if it weren’t for that injury. He felt like he had so much more to offer, so much more to do, yet he didn’t know how or what change he needed. He knew he needed change though, wasn't that enough? He wanted to learn English, he wanted to take his photography more seriously, and he didn’t want to be _alone_. It was a simple list he just never got to working on as diligently as he worked on pole-vaulting in high school, or worked at the cafe. He was afraid of those things dissipating, he was afraid of finishing college, he was afraid of becoming a salaryman, and he was afraid of calmly letting it all happen.

 

He was too curious for that life, he knew it deep down. High school was so much more simple, but now everything really was in Eiji’s hands. So why did he act like it wasn’t?

 

Then on top of his stack of clothes on the countertop across his small bathroom a loud buzz sounded. Eiji’s eyes bolted open, looking up at the stack. Was it a reply from Ash? Did he _want_ for it to be from Ash? He was too nervous to know, he didn’t want to see the boy decline his offer. He didn’t want to today to be the last time he saw either of the boys at the cafe. He didn’t want for it to dissipate. He was tired of things dissipating.

 

He only was able to soak in the tub for so long until he hopped out to shampoo his hair and scrub his body clean before anxiously drying off. He had to see his phone, it was like his fate depended on whatever kind of notification popped up on the screen. Eiji had only begun to rub his head with a towel a few times before leaving it atop the crown of his sopping wet hair to snag his phone from the pile of clothes. There he was holding his breath again, pressing the home screen to find a message from... _Ash_.

 

「Ash: It’s okay, and actually I don’t really fit in any pants here. You didn’t ruin my Levi’s by the way, even if you did they were old anyways. 」

 

Eiji felt his heart sink, teeth grinding slightly as he reread the message that sat on his homescreen, but as he carefully skimmed the message once more, he noticed not all of it had been displayed. He desperately opened the notification then to see what else the mysterious boy had written.

 

 

「So how about you buy me lunch tomorrow? Maybe then I’ll call it even. 」

 

 _Maybe then?_ What? Eiji squinted his eyes at the message, how bold could one boy be? Maybe it was western culture, maybe, maybe this guy was some kind of brat. Either way, Eiji’s heart leaped. He pulled his towel from his head, which was already sliding down the front of his hair and had begun to obstruct his view of his phone screen. Clutching the towel to his chest now, he tried to think of some kind of reasonable response. He could barely think up any coherent words in his mind to begin with. He plopped the phone back down in his pile of clothes, wrapping the towel around his waist as he as he dissected each one of Ash’s words in his head.

 

He grabbed his pile of dirty clothes, his phone, and left the bathroom to enter his bedroom which was led through the sliding door beside the bathroom. He tossed his dirty clothes into the hamper that sat to the side of his desk, walking over to his dresser beside his bed and placed his phone on surface before he grabbed a pair of striped pajamas and underwear from one of the drawers. How would he respond? He felt so flustered, did Ash mean to sound his message like that? Did he mean to make it seem like he was being asked out on a _date_ ? No way, Eiji couldn’t even begin to think for a millisecond that someone who acted, looked, and _god_ even spoke like Ash would ever be interested in him like that, or even boys to begin with. It just wasn’t the case, Eiji convinced himself. It _shouldn’t_ be the case. Eiji felt gross for thinking of that scenario to begin with, he felt like he was somehow harming Ash with the thought, harming his future with Ash, if there even was one after he would supposedly by lunch for him. Then Eiji realized it was Friday evening, and he in fact had no reason to decline Ash’s invitation, he didn’t have work the next day. Eiji needed to read less yaoi mangas he found in the one hundred yen baskets at the secondhand bookstore, and get his head clear of all the bullshit he was stuffing it with in that moment.

 

After pulling on his boxer briefs and pajamas, he decided he needed to respond to Ash at some point. The boy wanted to meet the following day, didn’t he? Eiji took a deep breath, picking his phone up from the top of his dresser. He opened up the chat with Ash, and the message he had yet to respond to. Maybe Ash was waiting for his response, or maybe Ash didn’t care about what he would say to even begin with. Eiji was sure Ash probably had plenty of friends. Eiji wondered what he and his friend must have been doing by this point. Maybe they were clubbing in Namba, or at an izakaya, or back at their home. Wherever they must have been staying. Eiji didn’t realize how much he didn’t know about Ash until that point, all he knew is that he spilled mango juice all over his lap hours prior, and that he’s a foreigner. Who was Eiji for making all these judgements on Ash’s character when he barely had a enough words that ash has said to string together a complete idea to what he’s like? He knew the boy was confident, by the way he acted at the cafe, the way he cocked his head to the side with a smirk as he read out “e-i-ji.”. A smirk pulling at his lips that looked like they belonged to a model’s, his chin length blonde hair hanging to the side, small hairs brushing over his face.

 

Eiji needed to know more, he _needed_ to. _Who was Ash_?

 

「Eiji: Ash, I can buy you lunch tomorrow. What time do you want to meet? Is there a place you would like to go to in particular?」

 

Eiji stared at the chat for a moment after sending it, before he stuck his phone in the pocket of his pajama pants and headed towards the kitchen. After chopping up all the vegetables and meat for an easy dinner of Nabe, he put his hot pot on his small kotatsu and eagerly stretched his legs underneath the heated blanket. He waited for a response from ash as he waited for his vegetable and meats to cook in the pot, sifting through the channels on the TV as Kikochan fell fast asleep with her body meshed against his leg underneath the kotatsu. It wasn’t until Eiji was more than halfway through his nabe and a cheesy reality tv show he had settled on watching until Ash had messaged him back. Eiji hesitated to read his message at first, feeling anxious to see what he said. He shoved a chunk of chicken in his cheek with his chopsticks as he picked up his phone with his free hand.

 

「Ash: How about meeting at noon, show me a good place to eat. I’d like to meet at Osaka station. 」

 

Eiji felt a tinge of excitement as he read the message. He reached under the hot kotatsu and gave Kikochan a rub.

 

「Eiji: Sounds good, I will meet you then. Goodnight（＾－＾）」

 

Before Eiji could set his phone back down, it buzzed as a new message from Ash appeared.

 

「Ash: Goodnight, and don't feel too bad about the pants. It was an honest accident.」

 

Eiji sighed, a smile pulling at his lips. Ash seemed nice, and Eiji suddenly felt confident in being able to talk to him tomorrow. Setting his phone back down on the kotatsu. He took his time and finished his nabe, getting progressively tired under the heated kotatsu with the hot soup in his belly. After finishing he leisurely cleaned up his dishes and washed his hot pot before brushing his teeth in the bathroom and then walking to his bedroom and collapsing on the bed. Kikochan had been following him around throughout his lazy journey before finally being able to fall asleep, so after he had settled underneath his winter covers, the cat had gracefully hopped up and curled up next to his head. “Goodnight, Kikochan.” He murmured softly, before letting his heavy eyelids fall shut. He quickly fell into a deep slumber with nervousness and a tinge of excitement in his chest for the following day.

 

―

 

Eiji’s hands reached forward to touch Ash’s bare slender back. Hot water trickled down his supple pale skin, a stream forming in the dip in between his muscular shoulders where his spine ran all of the way down. Eiji’s hands looked small on Ash’s long muscular torso, but he felt such a carnal urge to run them along every part of Ash’s body. His hands did not act carnal though, softly feeling along his lower back and around his sides before he found his hand meet his own wrist where Ash’s stomach was. His hand latched to his wrist, pressing his body flesh against Ash’s. The hot water from the shower head was now hitting the top of Eiji’s hair, and trickling down his own back. His body felt so warm, and so small pressed up against Ash’s. “I never took you as the type of guy to try to jump me like that.” Ash said quietly, and Eiji could here in the tone of his voice that the boy had a stupid smirk on his face. “You never get up before me.” Eiji responded, pressing his cheek just on the bottom of Ash’s shoulder blade. Ash’s skin felt so hot and soft against his face, he wanted to stay like that for hours. “I always sleep well next to you. I just happened to sleep extra well last night.” Ash responded, voice so soft Eiji was relieved he could interpret the sweet words as they left his lips. “Maybe now I can start making breakfast earlier and we can eat together.” Eiji suggested, his lips brushing against Ash’s skin as he spoke, he wanted to bury his face into Ash’s back like it was a freshly fluffed pillow. “Don’t get too excited.” Ash chuckled, and Eiji could feel Ash’s hand brush along his forearm. Before Eiji could account for what Ash was doing, he felt the boys long slender finger wrap around his arm, releasing Eiji’s hold on the boy and spun around to face him. Eiji felt flustered now that he was faced with Ash’s emerald eyes and smirking lips. “You shouldn’t sneak up on me like that you know.” He teased, eyebrow cocking slightly. His wet hair clung to the sides of his face, water dripping from his long light brown eyelashes and slender chin. Eiji felt his face go hot, not knowing how to respond. He was too busy watching how the shower perfectly painted the boy in water. Then Ash had grabbed onto Eiji’s shoulders, slowly moving the boy around to firmly press his back against the cold tiled wall underneath the shower head. Now the water from the shower head couldn’t reach either of them. “What if I thought you were a hitman?” Ash inquired, a hand coming and brushing Eiji’s wet bangs upwards out of his face. He felt so exposed now, suddenly feeling conscious of his small slender body beneath Ash’s tall muscular one. He felt cold and even more naked now that he wasn’t pressed up against Ash, or feeling the hot steaming water trickle down on him from the shower head. “I-I’m sorry. I just wanted…” Eiji didn’t know how to summarize his reasoning for coming in on Ash. He never reasoned it in the first place. Ash’s smirk deepened, both his hands cupping Eiji’s blazing red cheeks. “If you wanted to see me wet and naked so bad, you should have just told me. You know I would give you anything you want right?” Ash’s words left his mouth like sweet syrup, and Eiji could have melted against the tile walls right then and there, which no longer felt cold against his back. He was sure every part of his body was no color lighter than a bright red cherry at that point. “Do you have any idea how many times I’ve wanted to sneak up on you? I hope you like the taste of revenge, Eiji.” Ash then said, his smile still tugging hard at his lips. He looked so happy, he looked so... _in love_ . Eiji was quite literally bathing in it. He wanted to snap a mental picture of Ash’s smiling face and cherish it for eternity. Whenever Eiji felt blue, he wanted to see that picture, this face of Ash’s. Ash’s eyes then trailed down to Eiji’s lips, his smile relaxing as he became more focused on them. Then he dipped his head forward, pressing a slow needy kiss on Eiji’s suddenly so needy lips. Ash’s lips then slowly left Eiji’s, his forehead pressing against the boy’s. Eiji could feel Ash’s wet strings of hair against his bare forehead. Their noses touching and their eyes just barely open. “I would do anything for you too, Ash. _Anything_.” He whispered, his voice somehow feeling bold despite his soft presentation. He would shout it from the rooftops, he would tell everyone in the whole fucking town. Everything he did would be for Ash, he wanted to make a safe home for him to live in, a warm bed to him to sleep in, he would cook every one of his meals, and nag him for not eating the healthy parts. He would build a whole palace for him, a life where he didn’t have to run from the police, or keep his hood up in the streets, a life where he didn’t have to sleep with a gun. Brick by brick, stone by stone, everything he built would be for Ash.

 

“Meeeow!” Eiji’s eyes squinted looking around the bathroom for what sounded exactly like Kikochan.

 

“Meooooow!”

 

The cat sounded so close to Eiji, but she was nowhere in sight. Eiji closed his eyes, and somehow when he opened them, he was no longer looking in Ash’s emerald eyes, but the wide hungry eyes of Kikochan. She was sitting on his chest, staring into his face like she did pretty much every morning when she wanted to wake Eiji up.

 

“What the _hell_ …” Eiji breathed. Looking around his room which was lit by the morning sun shining through his bedroom window.

  
“What the _hell_ was that _dream_?”


	4. Normalcy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for such a late chapter update! I have been in South Korea and I caught a nasty cold while I was there... I hope I can post more often now tho!!!

Ash was standing outside the ticket gate, pressing his nose into his thick scarf as he looked down at his phone to check if he had received any messages from Eiji. It was crazy busy that day at the station, given it was a Saturday. He was leaning against the metal railing in front of the huge glass window that lined the outside of the train station, overlooking the complicated platforms and tracks that ran like veins through the city. Where could he be? Ash thought, the boy was about five minutes late. He wondered if Eiji would just not show up, it seemed typical of the everyday college student here in Osaka, but Eiji didn’t seem like the usual college student. He dressed more punctual than the other guys he usually saw around the city or in his university classes. Many of the other guys around Ash’s age would wear more brand clothes, hoodies, and wide legged pants with extravagant sneakers. Not to say Eiji didn’t blend in with the current trends, he looked quite similar to most of the other boys here in a way. Except he wasn’t, and Ash knew if he were to point him out in huge crowd of other Japanese people, it would only take him a millisecond. 

Ash was looked around, eyes scanning the people that quickly passed through the gates, each individual person sliding through with the familiar ding sound of each swiped card following another. Ash was anxious, his stomach turning in knots. Even though he had been through this ticket gate, walked this station, and eaten at almost every popular cafe several times after coming to Japan; he felt like he was seeing all of it for the first time. Ash then felt his phone vibrate in his hands, and looked down to see a message from Eiji. 

 

Eiji: I am so sorry, I overslept but I am about to arrive at Osaka station. 

 

Ash felt relief in his chest, but it was quickly followed by more anxiety that he would see the boy soon. Ash expected to have another insane dream again the night before, but he barely was asleep long enough to allow for that. He could barely keep his eyes closed, knowing that the random boy in his dreams was the exact same random boy who spilled juice on his lap at the cafe. He just could not fathom it. “I’m sorry.” A breathy voice said, sounding as familiar as ever. Ash looked up to see Eiji standing just feet in front of him, shoving his train pass in the pocket of his long grey wool coat. He stood more straight after pulling his tote bag over his shoulder, his elbow pressing it snug against his side. “You didn’t have to wait long did you?” The boy spoke again, his cheeks definitely looking very red as he looked straight at Ash. The boys hair looked so soft, his slightly gelled bangs hanging over his forehead. They looked a little more messy than they did last night, which was probably the result of him rushing all the way to the station. 

Ash felt like a deer in headlights, and then he knew his cheeks were probably just as red as Eiji’s. “Uh-...no. I didn’t wait too long.” He responded, Eiji watched his face as he tried to comprehend Ash’s gaijin Japanese. “I see, I see. So, where would you like to go.” Eiji then asked, his voice sounded exasperated. Eiji seemed very different than how he was at the cafe the day before, Ash thought. He seemed very,  _ troubled _ by something. To start, Eiji could barely look Ash long enough in the eyes before they darted towards the floor. “We can just go to Hep5 or something. There usually isn’t a huge wait at the cafe’s there.” Ash suggested, looking over to the walkway to the large shopping center with the cherry red ferris wheel that sat on top. 

It was a longer walk from the train station, but Ash figured it would be better eating there than at the shopping center where Eiji’s cafe was. “Oh, over there? Yea, sounds good.” Eiji responded, his lips flattening into a line as he smiled nervously at Ash. With that, they began to walk toward the Hep5 building. For the most part it was a quiet walk. Both the boys seemed too occupied with trying not to look anxious or nervous as they walked, often looking off to the side or watching the skyline as they made their way down the tall connecting walkway that overlooked the intersection below. When they finally made it to the building they took the escalator up to the cafe floor, avoiding eye contact with each other like their bodies would set aflame if they let it happen in the slightest. They decided on one of the first cafe’s they stumbled upon, a green tea cafe with parfais and ochazuke. 

The waiter was able to sit them since the cafes weren’t as crowded in the particular shopping center like the others in the area. “What year are you in University?” Eiji asked, finally breaking the incredibly awkward silence between the two. “A third year.” Ash responded, touching his small cold glass of water the waiter had filled up before leaving. He swept at the condensation with the tips of his fingers. “Wait, so does that make you... 21?” Eiji asked, his eyebrows furrowing as his eyes rolled up to the ceiling to the math in his head. “Yea, I turned 21 in August.” He responded, eyes finally catching Eiji’s once more but they didn’t stick on his for long. “Wow, you’re so young.” Eiji responded, holding his hand in front of his mouth. His surprise took ash aback. 

“Well how old are you then?” Ash responded, naturally letting a smirk tug on his lips. Eiji’s cheeks deepened in the red color they already were. “Uhm, 22 actually. I’m a senior so after this year I will graduate.” Eiji said, smiling as he picked up his own glass of water and taking a hesitant sip. “Old man…” Ash chuckled, doing what he did best when he didn’t know what else to do, instigate. “Hey! You can’t just call people that.” Eiji cautioned, his voice slightly hushed. His hardened expression softened slightly when he saw Ash chuckle back at him, Eiji seemed to sink into his wool jacket. “So oniisan would be better then? Got it.” Ash responded, leaning forward in his chair to rest his chin in his hands. He knew making the boy uncomfortable wouldn’t solve the awkwardness in between the two, but he could at least try right? 

As if Eiji wasn’t already flustered enough, he began to wave his hands as if Ash had just screamed profanity across the cafe. “No, no, no, it’s not necessary!” The boy insisted before anxiously tugging at his black turtleneck underneath his maroon sweatshirt. “If we’re going to be friends then I have to refer to you in some way, it’s not like America where we don’t use honorifics.” Ash urged, raising an eyebrow at the boy. His face still rested in his palms, he was doing a good job at acting cool even though his cheeks were beat red underneath his cold hands. Eiji’s eye lit up a bit, “friends.” The word was long and drug out, like he was trying to recall the meaning. 

“I’m sorry, maybe I said it weird. You don’t have to be my friend if you don’t want to, after all, you only got me wet so.” Ash struggled forming the sentence, and he knew for sure he mixed the context of ‘getting him wet’ by a longshot when Eiji nearly choked on his own response, coughing into a napkin he grabbed from the small box of chopsticks and cutlery on the side of the table. “The mango juice! I meant the mango juice.” Ash responded, trying to laugh it off, but the grave look on Eiji’s face didn’t subside. “Of course.” Eiji finally muttered, his face still in the napkin. “Of course, I knew you meant that.” He lied, if Eiji knew that he wouldn’t have nearly fell dead out of his chair. There was something he knew, Ash thought. Eiji was different today, and there was something Eiji knew that Ash didn't. Ash didn’t dare to dig any deeper than that, he couldn’t bare the embarrassment of outing himself to Eiji. “I’d like to be friends, you can call me Eiji-kun then if you’d like!” Eiji then spoke, brown irises flicking up towards Ash’s. Ash lit up at the response.  Ash always felt like he was on the outside looking in, ever since he came to Japan. He never felt  _ apart _ of Japan. He never felt  _ apart _ of any friend groups or his classes with other Japanese students he knew or met. Yet seeing Eiji now, with shy smile on his lips. He felt like he was suddenly apart of something. Like he was finally accepted. Ash smiled back at Eiji, except it wasn’t the antagonistic smirk he was previously displaying. It was a genuine smile, a smile he didn’t expose to too many people. Eiji smiled harder, and with that the silence in between them suddenly wasn’t awkward or terrifying. Then Eiji had realized time wasn’t standing still as it had felt, looking down at his menu.

“So what are eating.” He asked, “oh, uhm. I’ll just eat whatever you eat. I’ve never tried any of this stuff.” Ash responded, peeking up from his own menu to look at Eiji. After looking through the menu for a few more moments, Eiji had beckoned over the waitress and ordered for the both of them. Eiji had ordered them the salmon ochazuke, a dish of rice, pickled vegetables, and raw salmon. The waitress came back soon with the meal, and Eiji took no time to pour the small hot kettle of green tea into his rice bowl. “It’s really your first time having ochazuke?” Eiji asked, carefully setting the kettle back down on the fabric pad that protected it from burning the wooden table. “I only ate the matcha ice cream here.” Ash chuckled, following Eiji’s steps by pouring his own kettle of tea into his bowl. “I see.” Eiji responded, quietly taking a spoonful of rice into his mouth. Ash watched the boy chew, not sure if he could eat all the different textures going on in his bowl as enthusiastically as Eiji. 

Ash found himself wanting to watch the boys lips wrap around his spoon with each bite than try to feed his own appetite with the raw fish. Eiji made the food look like it tasted better than it smelled. Ash wasn’t exactly one for fishy things. Ash’s phone then buzzed in his pocket, and when he noticed the buzzing wouldn’t stop he pulled it from his pocket to see that Shorter was calling him. “Um, didn’t I tell you I was busy today?” Ash spoke, holding his phone up to his ear as he looked over to the side away from Eiji. Ash then felt a tinge of shame, realizing he sounded like Shorter whenever Ash interrupted him when he was trying to talk to a girl. “Dude I met another foreigner! He’s chinese too, let’s go to Karaoke after your whole weird kiss and makeup thing with your cafe ikeman.” Shorter responded completely ignoring the distaste in Ash’s voice to begin with. 

“Okay yea, I wouldn’t mind meeting him but...today isn’t good.” Ash responded, really avoiding Eiji’s eye contact. Ash thanked the god’s that Eiji wouldn’t be able to understand what he was saying to Shorter. “Well, I guess you already found a new friend too…Just promise you won’t leave me for some cool ikeman, you got it? Think of all my famous fried rice I cooked for you, you can’t give that up.” Shorter said, his voice sounding slightly worried. “You don’t need to worry about that Shorter.” Ash replied, before wrapping up the short lived conversation and hanging up his phone up. He locked eyes with Eiji once more who had just shoved another spoonful of rice into his mouth. “Sorry, it was my friend from yesterday.” Ash said, picking up his spoon to anxiously scoop a heaping of rice and raw fish into his mouth. “You want to spend the whole day with me?” Eiji asked, voice subtle but catch Ash off guard. He chewed as briefly as he could and painfully swallowed the heap, eyes wide. “W-what? I thought you said you didn’t know English?” Ash asked as soon as he successfully ingested his mouth full of rice. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, I studied English through high school so…I couldn’t help but try to understand…” Eiji’s face looked apologetic, words leaving his lips in anxious clusters. Ash tried to take advantage of Eiji’s small demeanor to redeem himself. “Oh, so you must want to spend the whole day with me then? Since that’s what you got from my conversation.” Ash teased, taking another bite from his bowl, but this time a much smaller one with less raw salmon. Eiji’s lips flattened out, “that’s...that’s not what I meant…” He responded, sitting upright in his seat. 

That’s when Ash got a gut feeling that the Eiji sitting in front of him seemed quite gay. Sure, it was normal that boys here normally dressed and possessed more feminine mannerisms,  but the way Eiji now seemed to have lost his composure made him seem different. It was like he held himself in a slightly new way. It wasn’t loud, his femininities. His response wasn’t particularly out of the ordinary for an uncomfortable Japanese man either,  but it would never be the response of someone who didn’t already have the predisposition of being  _ interested _ .. “Is it?” Ash inquired, digging his spoon into his mushy rice. Eiji’s hand returned to his other one in his lap, looking down at them clasped hard together. 

“I’m here to do whatever it is that will make up for ruining your jeans yesterday.” He responded, recoiling back to his original composure, suddenly hiding what seemed to have been his subtle femininities. Then Ash got the strong feeling again that maybe there was something Eiji knew that he didn’t. Something he still couldn’t quite put his finger on. What would it even be anyways? Eiji seemed too shy, too closed off to expose any more of himself to Ash after that. For once, Ash disliked himself for leaning on flirting for getting the things he wanted, for stirring a pot he should have never tried to stir. “Have you ever ridden the ferris wheel? The one that sits on top of this building?” Eiji then asked.

Ash looked up to towards the boy, surprised. “Uh-no, I never have. Have you?” He responded, wondering if Eiji was just trying to fill the awkward void Ash had created in their conversation, or if Eiji really did want to spent more time with Ash that day. “Well, to be frank, I never had anyone to ride it with.” Eiji responded, scratching the back of his head as he quietly chuckled. “I thought you must have had plenty of friends.” Ash said, smiling back at the boy. “I moved here from Tokyo for University so I kind of lost touch with a lot of my high school friends.” Eiji responded.

Ash had never met someone in Japan who was not already part of what seemed to be an exclusive friend group, he always wondered if it was part of the reason he struggled to even make friends with anyone more than Shorter since coming to Japan. Ash wasn’t exactly a social butterfly to begin with, but he never recalled having trouble making friends back in the States. People seemed to gravitate towards him no matter what. “Do you want to ride the ferris wheel with me? I have always wanted to see Umeda from the top.” Eiji then asked, his eyes lighting up. “I don’t see why not.” Ash replied, his trademark smirk returning to his lips. “Stay here and finish your meal, I will go buy the tickets at the counter by the escalators.” Eiji sighed happily, sitting up from his chair and picking up his tote bag. “Yea, okay.” Ash said looking up at the boy who now wore a pleased expression. Ash smiled back, and with that Eiji turned his heal and strode off to the ticket counter. 

Ash looked down at his barely finished meal before he hurriedly finished the rest, doing his best to ignore the flavors and textures that he found less than appetizing. Upon finishing, Eiji had come back with two tickets in his hand. “It’s best we pay now since the next rotation is in 5 minutes.” He said, eyeing Ash’s empty bowl. “How did you like it?” He asked as Ash stood up and pushed hair from his face. “It wasn’t too bad.” Ash responded, looking back at Eiji. Eiji could tell Ash wasn’t a fan, and felt a tinge guilt that Ash had forced himself to eat all of it. He felt that he should have suggested a place with a more westernized menu. Ash waited outside the cafe as Eiji paid, the two of them walking where the entrance to the ferris wheel was, which was just beside the cafe. Velvet ropes lined where the boys would que for the entrance. There were two couples already lined up, quietly waiting for the person working the ferris wheel to open the glass door that led to the individual carts. When Eiji and Ash approached the line, Ash caught the eye of both of the couples. Each of them looking back with wide eyes, and mumbling quietly to each other. Ash knew they were probably talking about his blonde hair or white skin. Ash was even pale for an American, so he was especially use to the comments. Eiji had noticed the attention Ash was getting, not surprised as people who passed by Ash usually couldn’t help but stare. 

Eiji then found himself looking at Ash, his attention on the gossiping couples in front of them fading out in the background. Ash’s blonde hair was tucked behind his ear, looking a little more messy than it had when he first saw him standing alone at the station. Ash was scrolling through his phone, replying to a message that looked like it must have been from the guy with the crazy purple hair who called the boy earlier. 

“Is it real?” He found himself asking, and Ash looked to him from his phone with an eyebrow lifted. “Hm?” that soft smirk found itself on Ash’s slender lips. “Your hair, did you dye it?” Eiji asked, feeling the urge to reach forward and touch the boys hair. “Oh, my hair?” Ash asked, running his fingers through the side. Eiji had never seen a hair color like Ash’s, it was different from the solid color bleach jobs lots of students his age would go get done. It had so many different shades and tones to it, and looked so soft and undamaged from hair tools or dyes. Eiji nodded yes, suddenly feeling weak with Ash’s ocean colored eyes on him. “Pretty.” Eiji found himself saying somewhat breathlessy, reaching a hand up to pinch the tips of a strand tucked behind Ash’s ear. Ash suddenly felt his body want to shiver from the sudden touch and softness of Eiji’s voice. Ash always appreciated gentle touches like those, but only from the right people. He usually became angry when strangers tried to touch him, but Eiji’s intent seemed so different from a stranger’s. It seemed so pure, it left no skewed words to read in between the lines. 

“Is all of your hair blonde, all over your body?” Eiji asked once more, eyes wide with curiosity. Ash’s face reddened, suddenly taking his thoughts back on Eiji’s touch, even though his skin still felt tingly. “What do you mean?” He questioned, feeling more conscious of the people around them. “Your body hair, it’s the same color?” Eiji repeated, not reading Ash’s sudden irritation. “Of course it is.” Ash retorted, watching as Eiji’s fingers left the strand of hair. His eyebrows furrowed, eyes looking into Ash’s. “Even...down  _ there _ ?” He asked, somehow not phased by the personal question. Ash nearly choked, wondering if he heard the boy correctly. “Why would you ask that?” Ash’s face was bright red now, arms crossing over his chest. Eiji didn’t seem to understand why his question was wrong. “I’ve always wondered! You’re the first natural blonde I’ve spoken too!” Eiji laughed. Ah yes, Ash thought, he forgot that there was no sense if privacy amongst the many people in Japan. 

Once his dorm manager had gone into Shorters dorm without any notice to check his broken light and fussed at him afterwards for the pile of dirty underwear in his floor. “Mine are black, in case you were wondering.” Eiji continued to laugh, a smile on his face. Was he getting a kick out of embarrassing Ash? “Yea...wouldn’t have been able to guess that one.”’ Ash responded, lightly punching the boys arm. He wondered if Eiji had caught up to Ash’s game or not,  if Eiji was playing along now. “If you ever go to America you can’t ask anyone that, I’d be scared for your safety.” Ash added, chuckling his embarrassment off even though his face remained red. “Okay, got it!” Eiji replied, tilting his head slightly forward, his eyes squinting with his smile. “Customer, please board the next cart.” Called the ferris wheel attendant from behind the counter, and Ash had noticed that all of the other couples had already boarded. 

The boys approached the counter and let the attendant split their tickets before they were assisted into the cart. Ash sat down and tried to scoot his feet out of the way and Eiji climbed in behind him. “Uwah-! Amazing!” Eiji said, eagerly pressing his face up against the window of the cart, looking out as the attendant closed and locked the door. Ash went a bit stiff when their cart began moving, floating higher over the building top and the city below them. Eiji’s eyes stayed glued out the window, enticing Ash to look out as well. He felt his stomach turn as he looked down on the rooftop, the vein like streets and matchbox sized cars moving in uniform below them. His body seemingly calmed down when he noticed the bright blue sky melting into the soft pink sunset. The last sliver of the blazing sun was only minutes away from dipping underneath the concrete world for the day, heating the boys cheeks in the chilled cart. 

“Isn’t it beautiful?” Eiji spoke, his voice back to it’s usual softness. Ash turned his head from the view to meet Eiji’s wide eyes and smile. “Wow, Ash, stay still!” The boy then ordered excitedly, shoving his hand into his coat pocket to retrieve is iphone. “Wait...why?” Ash questioned, confused as he freezed in his position. “The sunset’s colors are reflecting off your face, it looks so cool!” Eiji spoke, holding his phone up for his back camera to snap a picture. Ash felt caught off guard, not use to other people taking pictures of him besides his dad or brother back home. “one...two...three...Ok! Cheeeese!” Ash reluctantly cracked a smile for the phone’s camera, leaning towards the bright window as Eiji snapped a couple of pictures. Eiji was silent for a moment, probably reviewing the photos he took as his thumb swiped across his screen a few times. The cart then smoothed into a stop, and Eiji had hurredly shoved his phone back into his coat pocket to lean over the window once more.

“Ash look! We finally made it to the top!” He gushed, and Ash looked out the window as well. They were so up high now, the boys silent as they looked down on what seemed like such a small assortment of toy skyscrapers, shopping malls, and train stations.  Ash felt his heart go heavy, looking down at his new world below him. Everyday it felt so big and confusing. Every day felt like when he first moved to manhattan and always got lost in the metro and in the streets without the insane language barrier. Now he was looking down at his new world like he owned it, recognizing all the streets and buildings. The city suddenly felt a little bit like a home then, remembering all the outings he went on with Shorter to each restaurant and shopping center. He had so many memories in this city, yet he still lied down at night feeling like his plane had just landed. 

 

“It’s...mmm..our….home!” Eiji spoke, his words in slow broken English. Ash felt impressed at the boys ability, looking over to him. Ash knew everything he said in Japanese was nearly broken without repair. “It is.” Ash responded, his voice comfortable and smooth in it’s own native tongue. “Wow...your english is so...  _ cool _ .” Eiji exasperated back in Japanese, head turning to Ash. 

Ash chuckled at the boy, feeling comfortable in the new atmosphere between the two of them. He had been so anxious talking to Eiji when they first met up, but now it seemed there was nothing but the still air in between them on the ferris wheel cart. The boys silently returned to watching the skyline out the window. The dark night sky quickly taking over as the ferris wheel made its way back around where it started. When the rotation was over the boys made their way back to the station making small talk about their studies in school and good restaurants in the area.

“Well, I have to take another line to get home so…” Eiji began to say as the boys stood by the ticket gate. “Yea, sure...then...sayounara?” Ash responded, gently smiling at the boy. His heart felt heavy again, like how it felt on top of the ferris wheel. Except this time it wasn’t a good kind of heavy. He didn’t know how he went from feeling too nervous to meet Eiji to feeling his heart sink at the thought of saying goodbye. He hated the thought of being dependant on people, he rarely felt the feeling to even begin with. He was close with Shorter only because they had a strong bond. Letting go of friends and one time meetings was never an issue for him. Eiji smiled back at Ash suddenly, it seemed like he was hesitating to say what he was about to say. “Ah...Please use ‘matte ne’. ‘Sayounara’ has kind of a... _ permanent _ meaning. I think ‘matte ne’ means ‘see you later’ right?” Eiji suggested, his voice going smooth. Ash was taken aback, ‘see you later’? Did Eiji mean he wanted to see him again, or was it just the language barrier? 

“So...I’ll see you later then.” Ash spoke, slowly as he expected for himself to make a mistake with his phrasing. Eiji gave the boy a thumbs up in response. “Sayounara just sounds a bit...sad to me. It could just be me though, we don’t use it unless it’s a permanent goodbye.” Eiji explained, and it took Ash just a few seconds later to comprehend what he meant. “So you want to see me again?” Ash smirked, rubbing a hand through the front of his blonde hair. Eiji’s face flushed, but he seemed to have more confidence now. “I think it would be nice, wouldn’t it?” He responded somewhat reluctantly. “Yea, send me a text later on then.” Ash said, winking as he lifted a hand to wave goodbye. He liked how Eiji’s body stiffened slightly in response. Yep, Ash thought, Eiji was most likely gay. Ash still didn’t know or comprehend the insane dreams but seeing Eiji in person seemed to make him forget the weight of the situation. Both boys seemed to have moved on from the weird moods they were in before that morning. Eiji waved back at Ash not seeming to want to leave. “Bye Bye, Ash.” He said, a wholesome smile on his face. With that both boys turned to walk opposite ways towards their train lines. Ash googled his dream on the busy train back to his university. Apparently they were common, but usually they are had on loved ones, people that are very close to the person having the dream. Ash felt like he could easily bring his dream to the conclusion of just being a result of stress. He could have easily seen Eiji’s face on the street and subconsciously crushed on him, right? Ash decided it was one of the two, that he had overreacted when faced with Eiji for the first time. He didn’t want to focus on the weird coincidences, he didn’t want to believe it was some bizzare act of the supernatural either. He just wanted to have a normal friendship with Eiji and pray the dreams stopped after learning more about the boy that day. Besides that, he would scare Eiji away if he approached him about the dreams. Eiji wouldn’t be able to understand how real they were, how intense they felt. He would be disgusted with Ash if anything. Ash rubbed at his temples with his free hand, his other hand grasping onto one of the handles above the row of train seats. He was ready to go home to eat some gyoza and take out his contacts. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket then, and pulled it out to expect another text from Shorter pestering him about his meeting with Eiji. He was pleasantly surprised when he saw it was from Eiji though. Eiji had sent him one of the pictures he took of Ash in the ferris wheel. Ash felt a smile tug at his lips, seeing how Eiji was right about the pink and orange sunset reflecting off the sharp angles of Ash’s face. Ash’s million dollar smile sat on display. Eiji then sent a message, popping up underneath the image.

 

Eiji: 「Hope you like the picture, I have a strong interest in photography so I was happy to take the picture! Next time let’s take a picture together.」Attached to the message was a Line sticker of one of the characters barring a happy smile and a thumbs up. Ash couldn’t help but smile at the message. He wanted to see the pictures Eiji had taken in the past, he wanted to know more about the boy who seemed to be so sweet yet confident. 

 

                                                            ________________

Eiji was kissing him hard, desperately. His arms wrapped tightly around Ash’s neck had he just been eagerly pulled into Ash’s lap. Maybe it was just the day, or the familiar nauseating feeling in Ash’s stomach, but when Eiji had grinded his hips down into Ash’s out of mere instinct, Ash had felt his skin turn cold. “I-I’m, I’m sorry.” He mumbled, pulling away from Eiji’s lips. Eiji stopped what he had doing, just as instinctively as he had started. “Don’t be sorry, there’s no reason to be sorry Ash.” The boy responded, removing himself from Ash’s lap and sitting criss-crossed in front of him. He stared intently on Ash’s eyes, but Ash was staring down at his hands in his lap. “Do you want to talk about? Do you need some time alone?” Eiji quietly asked, eyes still searching for some kind of answer within Ash’s lost green ones. 

He could see when Ash would drift away, and he knew the silence that now filled the room couldn’t be heard beyond the loudness that probably now took place in Ash’s head. “I just feel so..” Ash had begun to say, but his voice was too weak to finish, his body shivering as a hot tear feel down his cheek and onto the bedspread. Eiji was silent, letting Ash work out whatever words he needed to work out in his head. Ash rubbed the side of his arm with his hand, nails digging into his skin as he did so. Eiji wanted to lean forward and take the boy’s hand, stop the boy from digging his nails into his own skin too deep again. He didn’t want to see Ash hurt, but he didn’t want to stop the boy from coping.

“I feel so  _ disgusting. It feels so disgusting. _ .” Ash’s shaky voice whimpered, his eyes squeezed shut after exposing his truth, head sinking further down in a drug out sob. Eiji felt tears well up in his eyes as he watched the strong and cunning Ash fall apart in front if him. Whenever Ash fell apart in front of Eiji all he could see was the distorted image of a lost child in front of him. A piece of Ash that seemed to never grow up, that could never leave the moments with the disgusting beings that took everything about being a child away from him. but he knew he needed to be strong for Ash, it was the last thing Eiji knew Ash had to hold onto. Eiji hated considering the fact, because he never felt worthy of being Ash’s muse in the first place. Ash deserves the universe and everything else connected, and he knew nothing would ever accommodate everything taken away from Ash, and everything that  _ will _ be taken away from him. 

 

Ash would never feel like a fleeting teenager, experiencing love for the first time. He would never fall asleep at night without a gun on the bedside table, or worry about missing a curfew. His childhood, manhood, livelihood were all dissected and picked to pieces.

 

“I wish I...could just...live normally with you.” Ash continued, his words slow and slurred. “Ash…” Eiji spoke, finally working up the courage to reach his hand forward and grab Ash’s, bringing it from his reddened arm. “I wish I could do these things and not…” Ash was choking on all of his words, but he needed for someone to hear them, he needed for Eiji to hear them. “And not..feel everything cave in on me.” Ash continued, squeezing Eiji’s hand tightly. Eiji rubbed his thumb over Ash’s knuckles, quietly reflecting off of Ash’s words. “I feel like...I’m... _ suffocating _ .” Ash finished, tears rolling down his cheeks and dripping from his jaw more than ever now. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to Ash, I’m never going to ask you anything more than just being here with you.” Eiji responded, praying his words were able to reach Ash in some way. Ash nodded, bringing a free hand up to wipe his tears. 

“You’re going to have a lot of bad moments like this, a lot of bad days, but your pain is going to heal with time. I’ll be here for all of that Ash, when you’re suffocating I’ll always try to give you the air your need. I’ll always give you the space you need. I’d do anything for you, and I could care less if we lived  _ normally _ .” Eiji added, his words quiet but strong. He needed to be strong for Ash now, he needed to be stronger than ever. “You’re stuck with me, remember? You will have to deal with the clumsy Japanese man dragging you out of the bed before noon and forcing you to eat my healthy breakfasts for basically  _ ever _ .” Eiji chuckled to himself, his own free hand tucking a long piece of Ash’s hair behind his ear before clasping back over Ash’s hands.

Eiji knew from deep in his core that he didn’t need things like sex, he already thrived off of Ash’s sweet words,  touches, and kisses. Of course, when Ash and him had days where they made love it was something Eiji entirely enjoyed. But it wasn’t the only thing Eiji enjoyed about Ash, there were too many good things about spending his days with Ash to even count. Unlike the other disgusting pigs who ripped any chance of living a life of normalcy away from him, Eiji never demanded anything from Ash. Even if Ash never loved him back, even if Ash ever decided to up and leave. Eiji’s heart would still be filled to the brim of love for the boy. “I love you, Eiji.” Ash said, looking up from his lap and into Eiji’s eyes. “I love you too.” Eiji confirmed, his hand leaving Ash’s to sweep the tears from his cheeks. Ash’s met Eiji’s as he did so, speaking more words than either of them could muster. 

 

Eij sat up from his bed drenched in sweat, the sun was shining through his window like any other morning. Yet somehow Eiji felt so _wrong_. He felt sick, like he could vomit at any moment. Not only that but he was also crying, why was he crying? Because of the dream? _Was_ _it a dream?_ The boy wiped at his tears and forehead that was slick with sweat. Had he come down with a stomach bug? Was it just a fever dream? Usually no matter what kind of bad dream Eiji had when he woke up he would immediately feel the relief of reality run over him after waking. Yet this dream, his heart, everything felt the same. Eiji had not felt this sad in so long, he couldn’t recall the sick feeling in his gut happening since the injury. Eiji quickly found Kikochan who was fast asleep by his side. He wanted to picked her up and squeeze her but decided against waking her. He felt so _alone_. Without much thought he had reached towards his phone charging on his bedside table and began dialing.

 

“Moshi Moshi, Ash? Ash I am sorry to disturb you so early in the morning but I just…” Eiji couldn’t believe he decided to call Ash, of all people now. He just somehow needed to hear the boys voice. He had to make sure the boy was okay. It was like when he had bad dreams where his mom and dad disappeared or got hurt and he needed to peak into their room after waking up. He wasn’t a child anymore, he was a grown man. A grown man calling a boy he barely knew over some  _ dream _ . It wasn’t just some dream though, no matter however way he chose to phrase it in his mind. He was so hurt by it, so torn. He wanted to tell Ash, he wanted to tell Ash that he had such a terrible dream but the words just wouldn’t leave his mouth. He would surely scare the boy away if he was honest, wouldn’t he?

 

“Eiji, what’s wrong?” Ash asked, sounding concerned over the phone. He sounded like he,  _ understood _ . “I just, I just- um…” Eiji spoke trying to gather his thoughts together. “I had this really strange dre-” Eiji was quickly interrupted by another voice over the phone, loud and boisterous. 

 

“Is that cafe boy? Lemme talk to him! I want to invite him!.” a voice spoke from what seemed to be beside Ash on the other line. For a few seconds it sounded like what was arguing between Ash and the other voice, had Ash begun fussing in English right after the unknown voice requested to speak to Eiji. “Okay fine, fine...if you really want to then talk to him.” Ash said, which was the only bit of English Eiji could quite wrap is head around.

 

“Eiji! It’s me Shorter, I am Ash’s best friend. Please come to the onsen with us and our friends next week to celebrate us completing our first finals in Japan!” Shorter boasted from the other line. Eiji could match the voice with the face of the boy Ash was with at the cafe. Eiji definitely couldn’t forget the personality with bright purple hair. His Japanese was a lot more advanced than Ash’s, and Eiji wondered if Shorter had been studying longer than Ash. 

 

“Oh Shorter, it’s nice to meet you. I really enjoy onsen so I would love to join.” He replied, feeling a small portion of the weight on his chest lift with Shorter’s cheerfulness. Eiji could feel himself wake up a little more, feeling a bit more to his senses. 

 

“Really? Wow I am so happy! Ash has been acting super weird about going to the onsen for the first time. Now that we have a group maybe he won’t be such a weirdo.” Shorter responded, chuckling. “The hell do you mean ‘weird’? What’s weird is sitting naked in the same bathwater as a whole bunch of old guys like you.” Ash retorted, and Eiji could hear was seemed to be a pop of someone’s hand after that. “God Ash, why are you so abusive?” Shorter whined, and then Eiji heard the boys mumbling and laughing together in English. “Okay okay, here is Ash now. Thank you Eiji-!” Shorter then said through the line. Eiji couldn’t even say you’re welcome before he heard Ash’s voice back on the line. 

“I’m sorry about that, Shorter is really excited about finally getting me to an onsen.” Ash said through the line, his voice sounding lighter than when Eiji had first called him. “So what was it you were saying? I can’t remember.” Ash continued. Eiji swallowed, his hand instinct moving over the futon cover to smooth over Kikochan’s fur. “Oh yea, I was actually calling you to see if you wanted to meet next week but it seems we will be anyways. Just let me know the date you guys want to go to the onsen, and I can suggest a good onsen if you guys are looking for one to go to.” Eiji said, dropping his whole insane idea of telling Ash anything about the dream he had just woken up from. 

He felt so much better hearing the boy laughing with his friend over the phone anyway, he felt like it really was just a dream when he heard Ash’s nonchalant voice over the in general. “You know a good place? Please send me the address or website. How about Friday?” Ash asked. “Friday is perfect, I’m off from my part time job next week too so we can eat dinner afterwards.” Eiji replied, feeling giddy in his chest. He was excited to spend time with Ash and Shorter. He never really had a friend group to go to the onsen with since his high school years. He use to go with his classmates in high school, before getting hurt, and before college entrance exams. “Cool, well I will see you then.” Ash said. The boys then said their goodbyes and hung up.

It didn’t take Eiji long to realize after hanging up that going to Onsen with Ash meant seeing Ash naked. Normally Eiji never had any weird feelings going to the Onsen, he never had in past so he didn’t understand the strange feeling in his stomach when he imagined sitting in a hot spring next to Ash, wet, heated, and  _ naked _ . Eiji rubbed his face hard with his hands, shuddering at the thought. “No, no, no,  _ no _ .” Eiji refused to think like a pervert. Ash deserved a good first onsen experience, he needed to be comfortable. Especially if what Shorter said about him being uncomfortable was true. 

“Kikochan...please eat all of my boys love mangas while I’m as work today...They’ve gone too far to my head.” He mumbled towards his cat who yawned and snuggled deeper into the futon in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UwU onsen time!! call me victor cause I am obsessed with onsens if I could go everyday I would,,, Anyways, I am really excited to write all the boys having a nice onsen day.  
> Also side note on Eiji's dream. I wanted to show the contrast of Ash's trauma free life in Japan with his canon life. I think he deserves the fking best so I want to write him a new story in a life similar to his canon one but without the pain he had to endure in the anime. I wanted to make a point of Ash and Eiji's relationship being absolutely 100% consensual. So definitely when I write them doing the do I want it to be with trauma free Ash and Eiji. It's just my opinion but canon Ash probably doesn't wanna have sex like ever. I want to write a cute but smutty fic with the two but I refuse to do it with a mentally and tormented Ash. I want it with a healthy happy and consenting queens ty very much and thanks for reading everyone!!


	5. Weak Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I am way behind posting this chapter, so I apologize for my laziness. Classes recently started back up and I went on a long weekend to Tokyo and some how in the midst of all that I forgot to update. Also I thought that maybe it would be a good idea to make a Tumblr for like all the weeb stuff I do in Japan and for updates on progress on this fic for those who may be interested at all.   
> I've posted stuff from the Banana Fish art journal exhibition recently that I went to the other night. I plan on posting a lot more since I am usually always going somewhere banana fish themed lmao. 
> 
> My tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ramudakunnoame
> 
> anyways, thanks for those who will read this Chapter!!

Eiji liked pretty things. He decorated his room with them. He kept white glazed flower pots filled with succulents, and small blooms lining his windows. His favorite though, was the pair of two small japanese Hana dolls dressed in silky and extravagant kimonos gifted from his family upon moving in. He kept them displayed on his dresser top. He liked watching how the morning sun shined on the skinny gold thread stitching of the bright red kimono both dolls wore. One of them was a girl and the other was the boy. His mother had handed them down as a charm for moving to Osaka on his own for university. He was going to place them somewhere in his living room like where they previously were in his home back in Tokyo but he enjoyed looking at them too much to put them somewhere he would merely walk by. He wanted to appreciate their intricate craftsmanship, reminding him of his home miles and miles away. He still felt like a kid staring at them, as when he was a kid he use to stare at the dolls just the same. Sometimes he wished things would just stay the same like that. 

He had not had any dreams since the morning he called Ash, but he had been so exhausted and overwhelmed with studying and his part time job. If he laid down to sleep, it was only for a a few hours at a time. At least the week went by rather quickly. Eiji kind of liked it when he had busy weeks because they usually went by fast if that was the case. He had also been messaging with Ash just about the entire short week. 

Eiji never expected to get along so well with Ash, but they often exchanged messages on Line since the day they ate lunch together. Ash had messaged the boy a subtle ‘good morning’ the next day, and somehow it had continued on for the rest of the week. Whoever was the first to wake up, which was usually Eiji, messaged a good morning. Eiji sometimes wondered what time Ash exactly got up since when Ash first messaged him a good morning it had been half past noon. The boys conversed for the rest of each day about their plans, meals, or the most recent Jojo’s episode. Eiji always got anxious when he waited for Ash to respond though, and he really hated that about himself. He usually didn’t want to message back when he felt like he would have to wait for a response. Eiji really didn’t understand that about himself.

Speaking of anxiety, Eiji was pretty anxious that morning. His plans to show Ash and his friends to the Onsen was that evening. He really was nervous, and he really couldn’t figure that out either. 

 

-

 

“I can’t believe you’re really finally going to an onsen.” Shorter told Ash, he flashed the boy a wide smile. “It really unsettles me how excited you are about this.” Ash responded, pushing his hands into his jeans pockets. He watched an old man peddle slowing across the street on his bike. “What do you mean? We get to finally compare dick sizes!” Shorter teased, pushing Ash’s shoulder. Ash cut his eyes at Shorter, reciprocating by shoving the boy back. “The fuck you mean? How have you not been banned from every onsen ever? Are you even allowed within a one hundred foot radius?” Ash grimaced. Shorter just shrugged though, he was the most shameless bastard Ash knew. He wondered if that’s why they were such good friends. “If you go anywhere near my dick in there I will gut you.” Ash added, eyes still cutting at Shorter. Shorter just smiled “Sorry, I forgot the only time men showered together like this in America is when they’re in prison.” He chuckled. “Whatever your life was like back in New York, I promise it’s ok if you drop your soap here.” Shorter chuckled harder. “You laugh way too much at your own damn jokes.” Ash was laughing at Shorter too though, maybe that was another reason they were good friends. 

“So when are your friends going to get here?” Ash asked after he and Shorter recollected themselves. “Soon, Sing said they’re almost here. I don’t know the guy coming with Sing though.” Shorter replied, looking down at his phone before scanning the road. It was then that Ash saw Eiji. Eiji was on a bike, riding up to the place. Eiji saw the two almost immediately, which probably wasn’t difficult between Ash’s height and and pale skin with Shorter’s messy purple mohawk. Shorter was the first person to say hi to Eiji, practically tackling the boy as he tried to park and lock his bike. “You live close to here Eiji? Where do you live? Can we visit one day? Are you a good cook?” Shorter wouldn’t stop with all the questions, and Eiji seemed overwhelmed but pleased by it. “Actually, my house isn’t too far from here and I have plenty of futons my mom sent me with. She figured I’d have friends over at some point...would you guys like to stay after the onsen?” Eiji asked, Ash worried that maybe Eiji was just offering because Shorter was going so crazy over him. 

Ash had never really seen something like that before, that kind of sincerity Eiji seemed to have. “Eiji you’re so kind! I really wanna stay with you, I really do! My friend though, he’s on his way but he told me he wanted to go to the arcade near here after the onsen.” Shorter looked so sad turning Eiji’s offer down, but Eiji seemed slightly relieved. “Oh really? The arcade? You like going places after the onsen?” Eiji asked seeming confused now. “Yea I know, but us exchange students you know! We got no time to waste!” Shorter smiled, pulling Ash in to his side with his arm. Ash really hated how touchy Shorter was sometimes. Shorter was quite a few inches taller than Ash though, a little more built too which left Ash easily shoved around by Shorter.

Ash seemed to have a different kind of strength than Shorter though, not that they had ever really fought before. Both boys definitely did not have squeaky clean upbringings though. Let’s just say Shorter was the kind of guy that broke up fights and Ash was the kind of guy that finished them. Ash was really surprised to learn that Shorter was also from New York. Ash admired guys like Shorter. He knew that if Shorter wanted to he could handle most to any fight he took on, but he never told a story where he started a fight. That was super admirable, Ash thought. Ash was too hot headed for that shit to even start with. 

Shorter kept his long arm stretched around Ash’s shoulders, and Eiji’s eyes had loomed over to Ash. “Ash will you also be going with Shorter?” He asked, smiling. Ash found himself smiling back, even though Shorter’s arm was weighing him down way too much. “As much as I love spending every waking moment with Shorter, I just wanna go back afterwards.” Ash responded. He felt a bit nervous in his chest then, with Eiji looking at him all of the sudden and all. “I see, but your train home is quite a long ways right? You’re welcome to stay with me and take a train back in the morning if you want. You’ll probably be tired after the onsen, my apartment is just a few blocks away so…” Eiji kept smiling at Ash. His smile was so soft, so genuine. It was really something. 

“I-I uh…” Ash trailed, unsure of what to respond with. It wasn’t like Ash  _ didn’t  _ want to stay

The night at Eiji’s, but it wasn’t like he wanted to after having all those dreams. He felt weird enough going to an onsen, he could only handle so many weird feelings in one day. That’s when Shorter tightened his arm around Ash’s shoulders. “Dude, you gotta stop holding me so damn tight or I’m ganna-” Ash stopped what he was saying when he saw how serious Shorter was looking at him. “Dude stop acting like a little bitch, this is actually a really good chance to make a good friend here and you’re just going to brush it off cause you’re what? Shy? When the fuck were you ever shy?” Shorter asked, looking at Ash too serious for his comfort. Ash furrowed his brow at the boy, shrugging his heavy arm off his shoulders. 

Shorter was older than Ash and all, but Ash never really appreciated it when Shorter treated him his age. He never liked it but, Shorter kind of always had a point when he got all weird and brotherly over Ash. “Yea I fucking got it.” Ash retorted, but Shorter knew in a way that Ash really did get it. Eiji was looking at the both of them with wide eyes, which made sense because their exchange was entirely in English. Shorter raised his eyebrows at Ash, giving him a last glance before Ash turned his eyes back to Eiji who seemed taken aback. 

“You’re right, it’s a really long ways back so I’d like to stay with you then. Thanks.” Ash smirked, he felt like his face was on fire. He always hated getting all friendly like that, and with Eiji it made it all the more uncomfortable. “Okay!” Eiji responded, smiling happily. Nothing beat the smile on Shorter’s face though, and Ash wanted to punch it right off. “Yo, Shorter!” Called a voice from behind the boy. Shorter turned around, throwing his hands up when he saw two boys walking up to the shop. “Sing!” Shorter called back. Sing was a short boy, he looked young as hell actually. His hair was cut short but he still had these tiny little black bangs over his forehead. Beside him was a boy who looked about Ash’s age. He wore a flowy looking black long sleeve shirt and pants. He kinda looked like he just came from Harajuku, especially with the long black hair he had braided down his shoulder. Shorter introduced the two of them to Ash and Eiji. The long haired boy’s name was Yut Lung. Ash thought it was strange how the whole time Shorter spent introducing the two to them Yut lung didn’t once smile. The both of them had come from China, but apparently Sing’s family was good friends with Shorter’s. Yut lung just happened to be friends with Sing and wanted to tag along for the day. 

It looked like Yut lung was also wearing colored contacts, Ash had gotten pretty good at realizing when someone was wearing colored contacts since coming to Japan. Yut Lung’s contacts weren’t exactly modest looking though. The more Ash tried to figure out the boys peculiar looks he noticed that the boy was wearing some kind of brown eyeliner and red blush. Ash didn’t know the first thing about makeup so he could only guess that those were what Yut lung wore on his face. Eventually the introduction and small talk ended, and Ash felt a little too tired to keep up with what everyone was saying. The boys headed into the building shortly though, and Ash soon felt his tiredness dissipate when he realized what he was about to do again. 

  
  


-

  
  


Eiji felt calmer than he had that morning. He wasn’t sure if it was the sudden quiet atmosphere of the onsen that soothed his nerves or the fact that Ash hadn’t done anything yet to tease him. The boys all quietly bought their tickets and traded them for rental towels and soaps before finding open lockers in the locker room. Eiji was surprised to hear Shorter talking so much throughout the process, switching from Chinese and English but keeping his voice at the same slightly obnoxious volume. Eventually everyone seemed to finally be ready to go to the tubs, and Eiji tried his best not to look anywhere below Ash’s shoulder’s even though Shorter seemed to be excited by Ash already. “His skin is so white, right?” Shorter laughed, looking at Eiji as he elbowed Ash’s arm. Ash didn’t seem to mind the teasing though, he seemed to be more bothered by everyone else in the room being naked. 

“This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever done.” Ash grumbled, and Eiji felt relieved that he had said something before Shorter would urge Eiji to respond about Ash’s pale skin. “Oh come on, stop whining.” Shorter groaned, already walking ahead of the boys to one of the showers. Yut lung was already started on showering, rinsing hot water through his hair the second he sat down on one of the shower stools. Eiji usually just rinsed off with the pitcher at the first tub before stepping in and showering afterwards though. It seemed that that was on the rest of the boys agendas as well, as Shorter had already headed to the tiny pool and dumping a pitcher of steaming hot water over his shoulders. Shorter was a lot more muscular than Eiji had expected, well, Eiji didn’t really know what he was expecting. Shorter was the tallest one out of all the boys, and even though he seemed completely relaxed dumping water over his back, every muscle on his body seemed to show with each motion. 

Ash wasn’t quite as tall as Shorter, but he had his fair share of muscle. Eiji watched as muscles on Ash’s back pressed together as he began pouring water over his shoulder, imitating shorter. Eiji noticed a few small moles on Ash’s back, but that was about the time Eiji decided he shouldn’t stare too long at Ash’s body. Eiji walked up to the boys, trying to do something other than just stand and stare. Sing joined them from talking with Yut lung. Eiji looked over at Ash who continued to pour water down his back. His thick blonde hair hung over his eyes as he did so, Eiji never realized how long Ash’s hair was.  “Oh, Ash.” Eiji spoke, his voice suddenly quiet as to not disturb the peace of the onsen. “You’re hair is a bit long in the back, if you’re hair gets wet in the tub it might offend the others.” Eiji explained, trying his best to not sound as though he was scolding Ash for not knowing all the little details of onsen etiquette. He imagines it would be quite difficult to know all the yes and no’s for the first time going to an onsen when most onsen goers had been visiting their entire lives. 

“Yut lung has hairbands in his bag, I’ll get you one.” Sing said, smiling as he turned to Yut lung who seemingly glared silently back at Sing from his seat at the showers. He seemed to had heard the whole thing. Eiji still couldn’t put a finger on Yut lung, he seemed so annoyed or bothered by what most of the boys were doing, and when he didn’t seem bothered his expression was nothing but indifferent. Eiji looked up at Ash beside him, who seemed annoyed in Yut lung, showing a sturn furrow in his brow. Eiji found it astonishing how easily the boy showed his emotions. He supposed it was just American culture at that. Sing had already gone over and  dived into Yut lung’s plastic basket that had sat down at the showers with his shampoos and soaps, retrieving a thick black band. Yut lung was mumbling something in Chinese to the boy as he did so. 

“Yut lung doesn’t mind you borrowing it.” Sing told Ash, holding the band up to Ash. Eiji had seemed to notice that Ash’s hands were grasping onto the face towel he had also carried over with him. Eiji acted before he could even realize, grabbing the hairband from Sing’s hand and stretching it out in his fingers. “Your hair is a little wet from the water so It may be hard pulling it all up on your own.” Eiji explained, smiling through his embarrassment towards Ash. Eiji felt like even if the tips of Ash’s hair touched the water the onsen goers wouldn’t care much since it was a tattoo welcoming onsen. Most foreigners attended the onsen anyways, so the rules were much more relaxed. 

That didn’t stop Eiji from trying to teach Ash the proper way though, and maybe there was a tinge of Eiji that urged him to rake his hands through Ash’s wet, creamy blonde hair. Ash seemed a little taken aback, his posture only stiffening slightly. Ever since entering the bath house the boy seemed to have really started to show his age. He seemed more timid and younger than the confident and strong Ash that was left beyond the onsen doors. Eiji hoped if it was because it was his first time going to an onsen, he would relax after entering the hot waters. 

Ash had turned around for Eiji, and Eiji reached up to smooth a hand up the back of his neck, scooping up his cold blonde hair. Maybe it was just because Ash’s body had begun getting cold after it being a few seconds since he dumped hot water over his shoulders but goosebumps had suddenly sprouted along the back of his back. Eiji focused on combing his fingers along the sides of Ash’s hair, taking his time to hold all the long pieces in one of his hands. He was doing a good job at trying not to look at Ash anywhere but his face, even though his eyes urged him to look at his toned naked back. He appreciated being able to feel the softness of Ash’s hair though, feeling as though he was taking care of his own doll in a way. In the end, he liked pretty things didn’t he? It would be a shame if he let his tendencies to take in the personal areas of Ash make him lose out on such a delicate moment. 

“How do you like Japanese onsen so far?” Eiji asked, starting to loop the hair tie over the small ponytail he had created. “It’s what I expected, a whole bunch of naked old Japanese guys and hot water.” Ash chuckled, tapping his wet toes against the floor a few times. “Are you saying I’m an old guy?” Eiji tested, looping the hair tie around a second and then a third time. “hmm...I suppose I am,  _ oniisan _ .” Ash teased, voice quiet. Eiji’s face went hot, and it took no time of the boy the boy to pull the hairs in Ash’s ponytail too tightly. “Ow-!” Ash seethed, stepping forward away from Eiji’s hands, adjusting his ponytail. “Have mercy on me.” He joked, smirking back at the boy. 

Eiji felt even more red now that he saw Ash’s face without his long blonde hair blocking any of it. He could see the full shape of his jawline, the paleness of his cheeks, and where his full delicately arched brows began and ended. Eiji couldn’t have ever expected for the boy to be as pretty with everything pulled from his face, if anything it showcased all of his perfectly soft and sharp features even better. “Do you ever pull your hair up?” Eiji found himself asking, giving himself a reason to not let his eyes travel anywhere lower than the boys bowed collarbones. “Sometimes I do when I study.” Ash responded, hugging his face towel across his damp chest. 

“You should pull it up more, it looks cool.” Eiji complimented before he could account that he called Ash cool while they were both standing face to face naked. The natural pink hue in Ash’s cheeks darkened. “Maybe I will.” He responded, smirking back at Eiji. Eiji should really remember not to keep throwing stones in a glass house. He was never prepared for Ash’s responses whenever he said anything bold in the slightest. 

“Let’s go join your friends.” Eiji said, trying to cool down the fire Ash set in inside of him.

 

-

The onsen wasn’t as bad as Ash thought, and after sinking into a few tubs he mostly forgot he was even uncomfortable to be within. He was relaxing in the hottest tub finally while Shorter and Eiji had gone to the sauna. Ash could only handle a few minutes in the sauna before feeling like he was going to die. 

Ash felt his eyes only begin to close as he let his muscles untense more underneath the water when he felt someone slowly step in beside him. Ash’s eyes immediately opened, looking over to his side to see who had gotten in so closely to him. It was Yut Lung who had stepped in, and now he was taking a seat beside Ash. The boy lightly pat around his face, seeming more focused in himself than the fact that he just sat down next to Ash. 

Ash didn’t know if he should say something to the boy or not so he decided not to. “So, Ash…” Yut lung spoke, and Ash felt a tinge of irritation realizing he would have to make conversation instead of just dozing off like he had been. “I see something in you.” He said, looking at Ash. Ash’s expression didn’t change even though he felt weirded out by it. It was the most he had heard the boy say since meeting him. “My family moved to Japan when I was young but I always saw myself as an American type.” He continued, this time giving Ash a soft smile. Ash already hated wherever this conversation was headed. 

“What’s with you?” Ash scoffed, he didn’t know how else to respond to the boy. “We are more similar than we may seem.” Yut lung hummed eyes still softly closed as he held himself neck deep in the water. Ash didn’t respond, watching the boy somewhat irritatedly. It was like he spoke in some weird tongues or something. “We are the only two people these old perverts in this onsen can’t keep their eyes off of, so why do you think that is?” Yut lung inquired, eyes still closed as he began tracing small waves along the water's surface with the pads of his fingers. Ash had noticed the stares since entering the Onsen, but he didn’t really think they were inherently perverted. He was use to being stared at all the time in Japan. Maybe the old men in the onsen had a creepiness to them, maybe Ash didn’t think enough of the stares because he was so use to it. 

“If you want to make a pretty penny, I have a good offer for you. I don’t know how long you’ll be in Japan but...it would be worth your time.” His eyes opened slightly, peering at Ash through the corner’s. He continued to create the small ripple waves with his fingers. “I use to work in Tokyo, but the nightlife in Osaka is, let’s just say, more plentiful.” He hummed, changing his position in the tub to where he leaned his arms over the edge, lying his head in his folded arms as he looked back at Ash who still stiffly sat there. 

“You should stop trying to make friends here, it’s never going to work. It’s not worth it trying to fit in.” He added, this time there was distaste in his voice. Ash knew what he meant, but he also felt himself disagreeing. Of course it was hard making friends in Japan, it’s hard for any other foreigner. “The only time you’ll get close to someone is if they’re fetishizing you. You see...we both know that.” Yut lung added, glancing quite distastefully across the tub to a couple of old men who seemed to have been staring at the him and Ash.

“You’re very angry at the world, aren’t you.” Ash observed, looking back at the boy. “Don’t worry Ash, it only took five years of living here to realize that fact.” Yut lung responded calmly, “I also realized it didn’t take much for me to get the things I wanted if I had only just asked the right people for them.” He continued with a sigh, and now his eyes were locked on Ash’s. Ash didn’t know how to feel about how Yut lung was talking to him. He didn’t know if he was being ridiculed or advised, either way, he didn’t like it. 

“I’m not sure I understand what you’re trying to allude to.” Ash spoke, but both of them knew well what exactly Yut lung was talking about. Yut lung gave a short chuckle, smiling back at the boy with his head still resting in his arms. The extravagant dragon on his back stretching with his cool toned skin. “Listen Ash, I found my place in this city, in this society. When you find yours, I’ll be there.” He said, words slow and drug out. Before Ash could respond the boy had stood up in the onsen, the men on the other side of the onsen mumbling to each other as they stared sharpily at his now exposed tattoos. Their expressions seemed to change when they saw his tattoo, they seemed to change completely even though they were staring the whole time. 

The particular onsen was tattoo-friendly, so the men paid no attention to any other onsen goers with tattoos, yet somehow they found something particularly distasteful about Yut lung’s. “What was he talking to you about?” Eiji’s voice questioned from behind. He had rushed over to Ash, taking a seat beside him in the onsen where Yut Lung had been sitting. “He’s really strange.” Ash replied, not wanting to verbally jump to any conclusions with Eiji. 

“His tattoo, do you even know what it means?” Eiji questioned once more, his concern ridden face inching closer to Ash. His voice was deeper, more pressing. “It’s just some tattoo right? I thought this place was tattoo friendly…” Ash responded, not understanding why Eiji seemed to have the same expression at the men across from the bath seemed to have. Eiji swallowed, eyes looking over at Yut lung who had settled into a solo bath across the room. 

“His tattoo is a Yakuza tattoo, he’s somehow involved in the mafia, from the style of the tattooing. You can’t just walk into any onsen with one of those.” Eiji explained, his voice fast and hushed. Ash thanked god he could pull apart Eiji’s sentence, because Eiji didn’t look too like he was in the mood to repeat himself. 

“How did Shorter meet this man?” Eiji asked, eyes darting back down to Ash’s. “He was initially acquainted with Sing, I’m pretty sure.” Ash responded, looking back at Shorter and Sing who seemed to be laughing about something, spurting loud Chinese to each other. “I think that you  _ mus _ t not be friends with him, Ash.” Eiji insisted, his face still close to Ash’s. “Don’t worry, I’m not usually friends with guys like him really.” Ash responded, slightly bothered by all the fuss that was seemingly made over a mere tattoo. 

“How can I not worry? My whole life I’ve never seen some Yakusa like this guy walk up into an onse-.” Eiji’s hushed and distressed voice came to an abrupt stop when Ash’s hand found a firm grasp around the boy’s wrist just underneath the steaming water. Ash couldn’t figure out if the boy was suddenly so quiet because he was touching him, or if he was just merely caught off guard. “Eiji, It’s okay.” Ash spoke, his voice bold. Eiji’s eyes seemed to round out, wrist not budging from Ash’s grasp. Was Eiji enjoying...his touch? Ash thought to himself, not loosening his grip on the boys slender wrist. 

Ash wasn’t even a touchy person to begin with, but somehow with Eiji he didn’t hesitate to grab his wrist, he didn’t even think twice about it. Eiji remained silent, the loosened expression of his face seeming like he had completely forgotten about Yut lung’s tattoos, about everything really. “I don’t have friends, Eiji.” Ash found himself adding. He wished he could just speak English now, he would be able push all the words out of his mouth so much faster. “My only friend here before meeting you was Shorter, I couldn’t make a single other friend until meeting you. Can you understand?” Ash asked, genuinely hoping Eiji could understand. Eiji looked a bit sad all of the sudden. It was true, even if Eiji now pitied him or not, Ash was just some kid from New York. The only thing that got him overseas was his grades. He didn’t have connections or any Japanese friends. He only read up so much about Japanese culture before coming there anyways. If Ash ever went out it was either with Shorter or to go read one of the books his dad sent him in a cafe somewhere. He was a nobody when he first came to Japan, and he still felt like one. 

“I think sometimes Osaka can be dangerous, and you’re a foreigner. If you get mixed up in the wrong group of people I would feel responsible if I didn’t say anything.” Eiji responded, his voice sounded less uptight. “Don’t worry about my life like that. You’re not my dad.” Ash couldn’t think of anything else to say than that. He really felt like a kid saying it though, he really felt his age. It was true though, he knew it may not be in Japan but he knew he was responsible for his own doings. It didn’t matter what Eiji did or thought, no matter how weirdly connected Ash felt to him. 

Eiji nodded, he seemed to get Ash somewhat. smiling slightly before leaning back beside Ash and letting his body sink deeper in the water. “I know that.” Eiji then said, after he probably thought about what Ash said for a while. “You’re just so young.” Eiji added, and Ash wouldn’t have been able to expect a sentence more. He didn’t try to get defensive about it. He knew Eiji didn’t mean it as an insult. They both sat there silently, Ash appreciated the sound of the small waterfall that seemed to keep the water in the sento circulating. It was just a small stream coming from a fake bamboo pipe across the tub. 

“You’re so brave, actually.” Eiji said, he had turned his head to the side at Ash. Ash looked at Eiji as well. “To come here all this way, alone. I really admire that. You’re so young and you’re so brave.” Eiji seemed so serious, his voice so soft when he said it. Ash didn’t really know how he felt exactly about the compliment, but when he saw the small smile that was on Eiji’s lips and the way his face shined lightly with sweat and sento water, he suddenly wanted to just lean over and kiss him. It was first time Ash  felt like kissing Eiji, the real life Eiji. He felt it so strongly too. 

“How is the all American princess enjoying her bath?” Shorter asked, stepping in beside Ash, splashing hot water up to his face. Ash’s urge to kiss Eiji turned into the urge to scoop water into the cup of his hand and sling it at Shorter but he stopped himself before realizing he wasn’t at the community pool back in New York. “Don’t talk like that it’s fucking weird.” Ash responded in an alternative to jamming water up Shorter’s nose. “Eiji do you think Ash is enjoying it?” Shorter asked looking past Ash. Eiji looked nervous when Shorter asked him the harmless question but he mustered out a “I hope he is, Ash how do you like it? Too hot?” As he leaned forward to get a look at Ash’s face. Ash didn’t care so much for the sudden attention. “It’s...relaxing.” Ash responded, forcing a smile at Shorter who seemed way to satisfied by his response. “If it weren’t for Eiji, I don’t think Ash would have come.” Shorter added. Now...now Shorter was saying way too much, Ash thought. Eiji looked more surprised than Ash though, somehow. “I knew you wouldn’t know how to act in an onsen if there wasn’t a Japanese person around to keep you from driving everyone out.” Ash retorted, trying to make Eiji forget about Shorter’s comment, as if that would happen. “You have a point.” Shorter chuckled before asking Eiji something too fast for Ash to be able to understand what he was saying. 

They didn’t stay at the onsen for much longer. They all carried on with getting dressed and dried their wet hair with the blow dryers set out on the counters in the locker room. Ash felt like he could fall asleep standing up after he had everything ready to go. The boys had all gathered in the parking lot when Yut lung told them goodbye and headed towards a black sports car parked in one of the parking places up front. He really wasn’t a man of many words around everyone, and Ash was still surprised he had said so much to him. 

“What’s up with him?” Ash asked, watching as the boy shut the door of the passenger seat of the car before it drove off. “He’s a host.” Sing said, seeming a bit indifferent about the word. Shorter scratched the back of his head, like he shouldn’t have already known about the detail. “He’s always being chauffeured around by someone, but it’s kinda unrelated to being a host, well, it is but it’s...complicated.” Sing added. Eiji seemed to want to say a lot of things at that moment, but he didn’t open his mouth. “He’s a nice guy so don’t try to judge him too harshly.” Shorter told Eiji, somehow everyone had knew at that point about Eiji’s discomfort about Yut lung. It was obvious that every Japanese person in the onsen felt discomfort about Yut lung.

They dropped the talk about Yut-lung at that. They all seemed too tired to care about it anymore anyways. Shorter and Sing said their cheerful goodbyes before setting off to the train station, and then it was just Ash and Eiji in the dark parking lot. “You can ride on the back of my bike, it’s only a couple of blocks away.” Eiji told Ash, unlocking his bike and hopping on. He saw Ash’s expression when he kicked back the kickstand. “Are you okay?” Eiji asked, suddenly concerned. “Uh yea I just, I’ve never rode on the back of a bike before.” Ash responded, and it was true. “We do it all the time in Japan. You don’t need to be nervous.” Eiji smiled. 

Ash reluctantly climbed onto the back, sitting where a basket was probably supposed to be strapped onto. Eiji waited until Ash was settled before he he pushed off the ground and began peddling. Ash jumped at the sudden feeling of no longer being in control and safely standing on the ground. His arms wrapped around Eiji’s stomach, trying to stabilize himself. “I’ll try not to throw you off.” Eiji giggled, speeding up down the road.

Ash tightened his arms around Eiji’s middle, his body bouncing as the bike’s tires jumped on the uneven road. Ash didn’t really know why he suddenly felt so affectionate, he wasn’t exactly an affectionate person. Sometimes, if he was having a hard time falling asleep, which was pretty often, he hugged his pillow to his chest. if that exactly counted as affectionate, then he considered those times affectionate ones. Eiji wasn’t a pillow though, he was warm and his back was hard. He enjoyed the feeling of a cold pillow against his cheek and chest, but Eiji’s warmth was something different. Eiji took a sharp turn, Ash felt like it was a rather bold move since they had turned in a tight alleyway. Ash felt confident in Eiji’s ability though, he didn’t think he would go crashing into anything. 

Ash felt strange, strange but so calm. The air felt so warm but the breeze on the bike made it perfect. Ash didn’t quite know what he was doing exactly, he felt like he was just going with whatever movements felt natural to him. If laying the side of his face against the back of Eiji’s back was natural then it was the most natural thing Ash felt like doing then. He didn’t feel Eiji stiffen up like he would expect, so maybe Eiji also felt natural in the moment. Ash hoped he did, Ash hoped he wasn’t making Eiji uncomfortable. They were alone after all, breezing through the long empty alleyway. 

Ash felt like falling asleep then, holding Eiji tight like a pillow and smelling the sudden warm smell of soap. “Tired?” Eiji asked, and Ash could feel the hum of his voice with the side of his face still against Eiji’s skin. “Mhmm.” Ash could only respond with that, he was in fact very tired. He felt like he left all his energy in the onsen. 

“Me too, I’m always tired after the onsen. I’ll cook a quick dinner so you can sleep soon.” He responded, he sounded happy. Ash felt too lethargic to respond to Eiji in time, his eyes fluttering closed to squeeze his body closer. He didn’t know what inclined himself then, but his mouth just opened “I had a strange dream about you the other night.” He said, anxiously pressing the side of his face into Eiji’s back, waiting for some kind of reaction. “Eh? Sorry I couldn’t hear that.” Eiji responded, eyes focused on the alleyway. Ash must had said it too softly, though he felt a bit thankful Eiji didn’t hear him. He felt relieved to say out loud regardless.

Before Ash could work up the strength to repeat himself, Eiji brought the bike to a halt. “Oh! my apartment is actually in this building here.” Eiji said again. Ash didn’t waste any time hopping off even though he just wanted to keep hugging Eiji’s back and fall asleep there. Eiji parked and locked his bike before they walked into the back door of the apartment complex and rode the elevator to Eiji’s floor. “Not many Japanese people live alone, do they?” Ash asked when they were on the elevator. “No not really, unless they live far from home like me.” Eiji responded. He sounded pretty tired too.

“It’s kind of small but I have a futon to pull out for you.”  Eiji said, unlocking and opening the door to his room. It was about the size Ash expected. There was a kitchen, living room, and two doors for the bedroom and bathroom. It was nearly exactly what Ash thought, small. “I’m already use to everything being small so I am ok with it.” Ash smiled, he didn’t really have a reason to smile at the moment, but he felt like he wanted to. “I like it.” He said, sliding his converse off and stepping up onto the tatami as Eiji did the same behind him. “Kikochan, I’m home.” Eiji called, except he didn’t seem to raise his voice all that much. In padded Kikochan from somewhere in the living room and Ash’s eyes lit up when he saw her. 

“You have a cat?” Ash asked, he seemed to not care if Eiji responded or not though since he was already sitting down on the ground next to her and scratching behind her ear. “I didn’t take you for a cat kind of guy.” Ash added. He was so focused on Kikochan then, and she was even purring already. “I didn’t take you for such a animal lover.” Eiji responded, squatting beside Ash to watch Kikochan. “What’s her name?” Ash asked, the cat now move to rub her body along Ash’s side as she began walking a circle around him. “It’s Kiko, I call her Kikochan.” Eiji answered, the cat now make her way to Eiji and rubbing along him. 

Eiji sat on the floor petting Kikochan with Ash for a few more minutes, but eventually he got up to bowl some water and grab some ramen packages from the counter. Ash waited in the floor, relentlessly petting Kikochan and watching her dark across the floor for a small toy mouse he had found and began tossing around for her. Eiji showed Ash all the channels on his TV before settling on a corny variety show program. Ash was about half asleep with his legs stretched out underneath the warm Kotatsu, they took up just about the entire space underneath the table. He wished he had a tv in his dorm, he would love to fall asleep to all the corny variety shows all the time. It made him feel like he was at home kind of, he had to break his habit of falling asleep to cartoons when he first got to Japan. 

“He Ash, how about putting on these Pajamas? They’re mine but I promise they are clean.” Eiji woke the half asleep Ash, leaning over the table with his neatly folded flannel pajama shirt and pants. Ash’s eyebrows furrowed at the clothing, he didn’t know if he was capable of sleeping with anything more than his briefs on. “Um, I don’t usually wear pajamas but thanks.” He said with a grin. He took the pajamas and sluggishly changed in the bathroom. Eiji had even laid out a brand new packaged toothbrush for him and a travel sized toothpaste. It was weird how adament Eiji was about everything. Ash probably would of just rubbed some toothpaste on his gums and tongue with his finger in the morning before he took the train back to the dorm. When he came back to the living Eiji had set out the futon where the Kotatsu use to be. 

“I feel like I’m staying in a hotel or something.” Ash chuckled, walking over to Eiji who seemed a bit out of breath from setting up all the blankets. “It can’t be that nice.” Eiji smiled back at Ash, and he really seemed to mean it too. It really was that nice though, it was the nicest Ash has had since coming to Japan. Eiji left Ash in the living room to go change into his own pajamas in the bedroom. Ash suddenly didn’t feel as exhausted as he did when Eiji gave him the pajamas. They were nearly too small for him too. The shirt fit too tight against his chest and the pants were major high waters. He knew that the second he slipped into the futon he would pull them off. 

He didn’t want to be rude though, Eiji was trying really hard to be a good host. Instead, Ash loomed over to the bookshelf next to the tv. He passed his finger over several spines of Japanese novels, none of which were any english literature Ash knew of. Ash wished he could read Japanese novels, he wanted to know what they were like. There were probably so many stories he will never enjoy or get lost in just because he couldn’t read them properly. It kind of made him sad. His finger stopped then, over  a white and pink spine. It was the same shape of a manga, well, it was in the same row as a full assortment of shonen jump mangas. It was pink though, and had an effeminate drawing of two boys above the authors name. 

Ash wasn’t really a nosy person at all, but for some reason he decided to slide the book out of its place and look at the cover. The cover was well, it was something. The cover seemed nearly harmless, it was of a dark haired anime boy holding someone hand that seemed to be hugging a figure with short pink hair. Was it...really? Ash wondered to himself. No way, Eiji was way too innocent. He thought too soon though, because even though he had flipped open the manga to a random page he was faced with numerous panels of what was blatant illustrated pornography.

Ash had the biggest smirk on his face he had had all day. This, this was  _ rich _ he thought to himself. The innocent part time waiter to a nice cafe that showed the group of foreigner boys to a traditional sento style onsen has a book full of gay smut in his living room bookshelf in front of a fucking cat bed for his fufu house cat name  _ kikochan _ , for christs’ sake this was rich. What a cute boy Eiji was, Ash thought. What a fucking cute boy. Ash took no time to waste to flip through the steamy scene of decently illustrated toned men well... _ going at it _ . The more he read through it the more he wanted to giggle, he felt like he found pure gold. 

When Ash heard the turn of the bedroom doorknob open the and sound of Eiji stepping out of the room Ash took no time to turn to the boy, smiling ear to ear with the book held wide open and facing Eiji so he could see every detail of the page. “The illustrations in this book of yours are quite detailed except I have a little question about one thing...I feel as if the artist exaggerated a bit here.” Ash spoke pointing at one of the more lewd columns. “If these are Japanese men that are being illustrated, wouldn’t you think this top guy wouldn’t be so well hun-”

“What the  _ hell _ are you  _ doing _ ?” Eiji exasperated. Ash had never heard Eiji raise his voice the slightest, but now he was loud. The boy lunged towards Ash, hands reaching out to take the book. Except Ash was quick, he played a lot of sports growing up too so it wasn’t difficult for his to dogge Eiji and hold the book up over the boys head. It was practically touching the ceiling now the Ash held it straight up in the air. “Jeez what’s the problem? Everyone's a pervert in some way. It’s not like you keep that loli shit in your bookshelf.” Ash teased, his smile still spread across his face. Eiji clenched his jaw, trying to jump up as high as he could to snatch the book. It was no use though, Ash was too tall. 

“Why did you read that?! Why did you go to my bookshelf?!” Eiji questioned through his gritted teeth. His face was bright red, he looked like he didn’t even know what's real anymore he was so embarrassed. “Oh common, I was having such a blast reading it. I might wanna borrow it sometime you know.” Ash whined, his arm still holding the book just out of Eiji’s reach. 

“Stop  _ joking _ Ash, Stop it already! I’m  _ serious _ !” Eiji yelled. He really did yell too, he yelled at Ash. Ash’s eyes went wide, and he dropped his arm with the book to his side. He was going to hand it back to Eiji, but suddenly Eiji had looked at the book in his hand with disgust. It was like the book didn’t even belong to Eiji in the first place, the way the boy was looking at it. “You can’t just go into someones how and go through their stuff like that, you can’t just wave it in front of their face like it’s some kind of toy. Like it means  _ nothing _ to them.” Eiji choked out. He had a tear in his eye when he said it, and it began to trickle down his cheek with a bunch of other tears. “Why would you just go through my books like that?” Eiji asked, except it didn’t really sound like he was asking Ash. He sounded so angry. 

Ash felt his heart sink, he suddenly felt so bad. He really didn’t mean to make Eiji upset. He just thought he would get a laugh out of the guy. Most guys weren’t even like Ash, most guys would have been disgusted by finding a book like that. Did Eiji think Ash was disgusted? “Eiji...I’m...I’m so sorry...I didn’t mean.” Ash could barely put the words together, he felt like such an asshole. He was just trying to lighten the mood with the jokes. He loved seeing Eiji get embarrassed or taken aback by the things he said or did but... not like this. This was so wrong. Eiji was still crying, rubbing the tears that plummeted down his cheeks with the long sleeve of his pajama shirt. 

Ash didn’t know what the hell to do, he didn’t know how to make the situation any less shitty. He carefully put the book down on the couch and reached out to grab Eiji’s wrist. He really still didn’t get what was up with him being so touchy again. “Eiji, I am so sorry.” He apologized, he had not felt so sorry in such a long time. Maybe since he was just a little kid. Whenever he would accidently break his big brothers toys or a time where he accidently scratched his dad’s car with a matchbox car. He felt so sorry then, he felt so sorry it made  _ him _ want to cry. 

Eiji looked up at Ash, his sleeve leaving his bright red cheeks. Tears were still streaming down the boys face and his nostrils looked a bit wet. Eiji sniffled really hard, but he didn’t say anything back to Ash, he just kept crying. It must have been a really weird and touchy day for Ash or something because he had reached out to hold Eiji’s face. He used his thumbs to wipe away the wetness on Eiji’s cheeks. He didn’t want to see EIji crying anymore, he really didn’t want to see it. “Stop crying won’t you? Please stop crying.” He pleaded quietly to himself in English. Eiji didn’t seem to understand his English, or maybe he really just couldn’t stop crying because Ash kept saying it over and over. “Eiji,  _ please _ .  _ Please  _ Eiji,  _ please don’t cry _ .” He mumbled to himself, his thumbs still wiping at the wetness on Eiji’s face. 

Eiji was looking at him in the eyes, and Eiji’s eyes seemed so puffy now. Eiji seemed to see something in Ash now though, something he hadn’t seen before. It was strange, it was almost like they were suddenly on the same page, even though Ash was still the asshole who went through Eiji’s books without permission. “Eiji…” Ash spoke, he was no longer mumbling now. He didn’t know what had gotten into himself, but with Eiji’s wet face still resting in Ash’s hands, Ash leaned down and pressed his lips against Eiji’s. At first he just softly brushed them against his own, but he took no extra time to press them hard against Eiji’s then. Ash could feel that Eiji was kissing back, he was kissing back hard. Ash’s fingers took hold of Eiji’s soft and clean hair. Ash felt so excited to touch Eiji’s hair, maybe subconsciously he always wanted to know what exactly it felt like. He let his finger’s lace themselves in it, smelling the sweet shampoo smell as he did so. 

The way Eiji felt kissing him, the sudden drop of tension around Eiji, how the tears seem to stop rolling from his eyes, it seemed like suddenly everything became so perfect. Ash surely didn’t believe in things like fate, but somehow he felt like kissing Eiji was meant to happen and Eiji kissing him back was the only outcome. Yet all so suddenly Eiji’s hands were on the sides of Ash’s face pulling him from the kiss. Ash was faced with the puffy red faced boy who now had ruffled hair and still wet cheeks. Ash wanted to go back to kissing his slightly swollen lips and pulling gently at his soft black hair but he waited. “Why?” Eiji asked, his voice was only but a whisper. Ash didn’t know if Eiji was asking about the kiss or not. He wasn’t even sure if Eiji even knew what he meant exactly. Everything felt so uncertain suddenly except for the fact that Ash wanted to keep kissing Eiji.   
“Why not?” Ash asked. He didn’t want to talk now, he just wanted to kiss Eiji. So he did that exactly, he pressed his face back against Eiji’s lips and sighed into the feeling. He didn’t want to forget what they felt like against his. Eiji’s lips were so soft, almost as if they didn’t even belong to a boy. He inhaled sharply when Ash wrapped his arms around the small of his back, letting out a soft sound that made Ash all the more eager to touch even more places on Eiji’s body. 

Ash wondered where Eiji really got feeling hot, what kind of touches made Eiji make even more cute sounds. Ash let his lips leave Eiji’s for a moment, a hand coming up to softly clasp the side of the boys jaw, thumb pressing against the corner of his mouth. “Open your mouth.” He hummed, watching Eiji’s glassy eyes look up into his own at the request. Eiji’s face looked so overwhelmed, but so blissed. 

He didn’t say anything, lips parting slightly for Ash. Ash wondered if Eiji had ever even kissed someone before, or even made out with someone. It made Ash excited to think about it, all the different ways he could surprise Eiji in those ways. Ash didn’t waste any more time pondering on Eiji’s past experiences and brought his lips back to Eiji’s. 

Ash was finally able to dip his tongue into the boys soft mouth. The last thing he wanted was to freak out Eiji by devouring the opportunity whole, so he was gentle about meeting Eiji’s tongue with a soft flick. 

Ash kept his thumb pressed into the corner of Eiji’s mouth, urging it to stay open for him. He let his other hand around Eiji’s back slide down to squeeze at Eiji’s ass. He did half out of fun and half out of the fact that Ash really wanted to know what it would feel like. Eiji let out a short breath, and Ash used it as a chance to explore further around his mouth. “You’re so cute.” Ash mumbled, kissing Eiji’s now wet lips another time before pressing a wet kiss against his jaw. “Now make more cute noises for me.” He urged, pressing kisses down his neck. Eiji was breathing heavy, trying to hinder any other noise from escaping his throat. He couldn’t bring himself to give Ash everything he was suddenly asking for. It was all too overwhelming for him, he was already so embarrassed still too. 

Yet Eiji had never felt so close to someone before, he’d never been ripped from all of his composure so fast either. “I didn’t mean to make you upset, Eiji.” Ash then said, softly kissing where Eiji’s neck met his collar bone. Ash snuck a few fingers underneath his collar to nibble at the skin. Ash suddenly felt the urge to leave hickey on the boy like they were in High school. Ash hadn’t given someone a hickey in long time. “I-it’s s’okay..really!.” Eiji breathed out, he didn’t realized how hard he was gripping at Ash’s blonde hair when he said it. He hoped he hadn’t hurt Ash, even though Ash didn’t seem to be in any kind of pain. 

“I just thought it was sexy. An innocent college boy like you reading those kinds of things all alone.” Ash hummed, eyelashes fluttering up as he looked at Eiji. “D-don’t say those kinds of things…” Eiji mustered out, nearly too flustered to think out a straight sentence. He was eating up every word that came out of Ash’s mouth though, somehow everything the boy did now made his skin burn and his heart pound. Ash came back to Eiji’s level, softly pressing his forehead against the boys. He didn’t really know what he was doing, he just knew he didn’t want to stop. He didn’t want to ever stop. 

“Tell me what you want me to do.” Ash ordered softly, he reached up and grabbed the back of Eiji’s hand that still held his hair in between his fingers. “I’ll do anything you want me to, so tell me what to do with you, won’t you?” He went on, bringing the back of Eiji’s hand to his lips. Eiji shivered at the touch, Ash’s eyes not leaving his as he planted light kissed along his knuckles, waiting for Eiji to say something. Eiji wanted nothing more than to just let Ash take him then and there. He couldn’t do that yet though, he couldn’t let his relationship with Ash change so fast already. He could barely even handle Ash kisses his hand at that moment. 

Eiji had a weak heart, he needed be taken by Ash slowly, but he felt like maybe Ash already knew that. Maybe Ash too, had a weak heart. 

 

“Just keep...kissing me, please just…” Eiji mumbled, his words slurring as he looked back at Ash under glossy eyes. “Hm-?” Ash raised an eyebrow, Eiji couldn’t handle this boy any longer. “Just keep kissing me, please just...kiss me for hours.”  


	6. Click

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I rlly hesitated with this chapter bcs i didnt know if i wanted to take a stab at writing this kind of stuff but aye trying new things is good I guess. If you can't deal with violence, gore, death, etc... PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER. Read up until the exchange between Blanca and Yut Lung ends, and the go to the last paragraph of this chapter ok! Anyways I hope you guys enjoy, I have been really busy lately so writing hasn't been a priority recently.

“Stay here.” Ash said, his lips brushing against Eiji’s ear. “I can’t go any further, I can’t handle it.” Eiji protested, his hands resting softly on Ash’s chest. “I know, don’t worry.” Ash hummed, his voice stayed quiet. “Can’t you just hold me for a bit?” He asked, nearly sounding desperate. Eiji didn’t need to be asked twice, he already knew the answer. He slipped his arms around Ash’s shoulders, pressing his face into the boys collarbone. Ash immediately squeezed his arms around Eiji’s waist, hugging him tightly. Eiji never really felt that before, such a tight hug. Not even from his parents really, they never hugged him that tight. Not since he was just a small child at least. He could hear the slow thumping of Ash’s heart. He wanted to fall asleep hearing that heart thumping. “We should really get to bed, Ash. It’s late.” Eiji then mumbled, his lips moving a  little against Ash’s t-shirt. Eiji could still barely comprehend what had just happened in between him and Ash. He could barely believe it actually happened. He didn’t want to stop resting his head on Ash’s collarbone, but he knew he needed to think about what just happened. “There is no rest for the wicked” Ash replied, sounding as though he could fall asleep there, squeezing Eiji firmly against him. Eiji yawned, his eyes watering a bit as he did so. Softly to himself, he tried to understand what Ash had said. He didn’t use Japanese that time when he spoke. 

“No...rest...for...the...wicked.” He spoke softly, each word slowly sounded out as he tried to translate them back into Japanese so he could understand. He tried one more time, thinking he finally got it. 

 

“ _ No...rest for...the...wicked _ .”

 

-

 

“You’re working late.” Yut lung said a bit surprised, pulling off his Jacket and hanging it up on the coat rack sitting in the corner of the small room. Yut lung ran his fingers through his long hair, flashing his eyes at the largely built man hunched over working on a new tattoo. The man he was working on was gasping in pain, sweat dripping from his forehead as he gripped a white rag in between his teeth. “What did I tell you about interrupting me while I’m working.” The man responded, his voice held warning though he sounded completely calm. His hand stayed steady as he worked on a cluster of extravagant red flowers along the man's shoulder blade. He held the wooden paddle and needle so steadily it was like Yut lung had never interrupted the scene. 

“I know what you told me, I just chose not to listen.” Yut lung responded, he flipped the chair near him backwards and plopped down on the other side of the table where the panting man was lying on his stomach. Yut lung wrapped his hands around the backrest, resting his head on top as he watched the flowers blooming on the man’s back. “Well start listening, kid.” The man grumbled, continuing his work without looking up. “I’m not a kid, Blanca.” Yut lung scoffed, pressing his lips into his forearm. He still felt kind of drunk from work. He kind of felt like he wanted to start a fight, but even in his buzzed state he knew the last thing he needed is to upset Blanca more. Blanca seemed somewhat patient that night, so maybe it was a good thing Yut lung decided to show up. Blanca’s dark brown hair was pulled up, the shorter hairs towards the front hanging in his face.

“How was work?” Blanca then asked after a few moments of silence, Yut lung figured the man didn’t feel like kicking him out that night. Yut lung felt relieved by that, because he didn’t really feel like going back to his apartment and definitely not the club. “I’m exhausted, one of the girls bought the expensive champagnes and all these other bottles so it couldn’t get balanced out by the rookies.” Yut lung complained, his voice quiet as his chin now digged into his forearm. He kind of just wanted to fall asleep at that point. He was tired of talking. 

“Sounds like a good business night to me.” Blanco hummed, and suddenly the man on the table yelped out in pain. Blanca didn’t seem to care though, continuing with the flowers. “So when are you going to let boss tattoo you?” Yut lung said, switching the subject. He didn’t want to talk about work anymore, work was such a bore. “I’m not getting them.” Blanca responded. “Why don’t you want to be tattooed, if you do irezumi it’s shameful for you to not have the boss put anything on you.” Yut lung complained, playing with the silver rings on his fingers. “I think you’re mistaken, I don’t work under a boss. I was taught irezumi half my life, at no point had it required me to have any myself.” Blanca responded once more, unphased by Yut lung’s tone. 

Yut lung twisted the ring on his pointer finger. “Then when are you ganna teach me.” Yut lung asked, sounding like he was pouting a little bit. He really had too much to drink at work that day. Blanco sighed, sitting up and setting down his tools. He tapped on the sweating man’s shoulder, and the man kept breathing heavy as he got to standing up. “We’ll start again the same time tomorrow.” Blanco told him, looking up at the man from his chair. Blanco cleaned the blossoms he had tattooed that day, and set the man off out the door. Every time Blanca did business with anyone, he was always so quiet and fast about it. 

Blanca then sighed again, clasping his hands together as he sat down in the chair he was sitting, looking at Yut lung from across the now empty table. “I’m not teaching you.” Blanca then told him, a response much too late and much too irritating for Yut lung. Yut lungs expression darkened, glaring at the man. Blanca didn’t have anything else to say other than that, leaning back into his old wooden chair and continuing to look blankly at Yut lungs irritated glare. Yut lung had had enough of being stared at, it was practically what made up his entire evening. Talking to tipsey lonely girls and being forced to drink until his insides turned sour. 

Yut lung unbuttoned his collared dress shirt then. That’s what he had to wear to work on the normal dress days, a stupid way too tight fitting black suit. He knew he looked incredible in it though, it always felt too tight on his skin. He slowly shrugged the garment off his shoulders, not letting his eyes leave from blanca’s as he threw the shirt into the floor. He would probably regret throwing it into the floor later, he really hated it when his clothes got dirty. Yut lung pushed himself up from his chair and climbed up onto the table. He crawled over to where Blanca sat on the other side, lazy eyes watched him the whole time. He had leaned back on his ankles, Blanco silently watched as he undid his belt. “Mmm...I’m too drunk t’do my belt, can’t you teach me something? Teach me how to take my belt off, can’t you?” Yut lung whined, pouting his lip out at Blanca. 

 

“You really put on quite the show to get what you want, don’t you.” Blanca chuckled, reaching a hand up and ruffling the top of the boy’s hair. Yut lung continued to pout, his legs giving out as he slid down to sit directly on the table. He let his legs hang off the edge, spread apart as he leaned back on his hands. He looked up at Blanca, who now stood up, hand continuing to ruffle his hair. “I’ll make you some hot tea, you can crash on my futon until morning.” Blanca told him, smiling slightly. Yut lung furrowed his brows, he reached a hand up to grip blancas wrist. He brought his hand near to his mouth, wrapping his lips around one of the man’s fingers. His eyes flicked back to Blanca’s, hoping he’d understand the gesture. He needed for Blanca to understand why he really came there that night. 

 

“That cute face your making isn’t going to make you seem any less drunk and any less tired.” Blanca responded, grinning as Yut lung slowly pulled his mouth off the man's finger, throwing his wrist down. “What’s with you old man? Can’t get it up?” Yut lung hissed. Blanca didn’t seem to mind Yut lung’s sudden change in attitude. It was normal when he got off a stressful day of work nearly drunk. “Go wash off that makeup and lay down on the futon, I’ll heat up the tea kettle.” Blanca told the boy calmly, standing up and walking out of the small room the kitchen. Yut lung let out a irritated sigh, he gritted his teeth as he regained composure. He hated when the things that got him everything he wanted didn’t work. Blanca was the only one his charm didn’t work on. Yut lung really couldn’t understand why that was. 

 

Yut lung was slow, stumbling to the bathroom and contemplating on whether or not he felt like vomiting into the toilet or not. After the feeling passed, He washed his hands and took out his contacts. After blinking a couple of times, he picked up the travel sized face wash he sneaked into the cabinet. Except Blanca had already found that he put face wash there, and already set it out for him on the countertop with a towel. The old sink only spat out cold water, but Yut lung appreciated it on his hot feeling face. He brushed his teeth with the toothbrush of his that Blanca also found and put out for him. It was really impossible being subtle with that guy, it was like he already knew everything Yut lung was going to do. “You’re taking those home when you go back tomorrow.” Blanca told him, he leaned in the doorway with a hot cup of tea. It smelled like Hojicha to Yut lung. He had hoped it would just be plain Sencha. “If you’re not going to teach me Irezumi then forget about it.” Yut lung scoffed, beginning to brush his teeth. He really wanted to take a shower, but he knew the hot water would kill him if he tried. “I’m not teaching you.” Blanca sighed,  “ _ Why _ .” Yut lung pressed. He stopped brushing for a moment to glare at Blanca in the doorway through the bathroom mirror. 

 

“Maybe in another life, but not this one. I’m not teaching you.” Blanca said, his voice as unmoved as the first time Yut lung asked him that night. Yut lung narrowed his eyes at the man before he continued to brush, he turned the faucet back on to spit in the sink. “Also, you can’t just show up whenever you want. What if I had a woman over?” Blanca added. Yut lung tucked a piece of his long hair behind his ear, still bent over the sink, his eyes rolled up to meet Blanca’s in the mirror once more. He knew Blanca didn’t mean another customer, he knew that too well. 

 

Yut lung shot the man a grin, as he stood up straight. He shut the faucet off hard. “Wouldn’t that be tragic.” He replied. Blanca raised an eyebrow. Yut lung walked over to Blanca in the doorway. He stared at the man’s face for a moment. Blanca seemed to have this weird softness in his expression, it made Yut lung feel weird since Blanca never showcased anything in the realm of being soft. Yut lung tried not to think anything of it as he grabbed the ceramic tea cup from Blanca’s hands and gulped it down. It was hot as hell, but Yut lung was feeling real damn thirsty as became more sober. “You need to shave.” He told Blanca as he looked back at his face and placed the empty cup back in his hands. He didn’t wait for Blanca to respond, instead he walked off to the bedroom where the futon Blanca put out probably was. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  


Ash had never picked up a gun before. 

 

His brother once showed him how to hold one once when he came back from the army for Christmas in the bedroom that they use to share. Ash remembered shaking so damn bad when his brother put it in his hands. It felt so heavy and cold like it didn’t even belong in his hands in the first place. His brother showed him the empty chamber, how to click on and off the safety, and he told him to never point it at anything he never intended to kill. Ash thought after his brother carefully took back the gun and put it back in the safe he had, that it would be the last time Ash would hold one. 

Now a gun was in his hands, and the barrel was steaming it was so hot. He’d never pulled a trigger, his brother never let him try doing that even though the gun he showed him was unloaded. Ash just did it though, it was a little hard pulling it with his small sweat slickenned fingers but he did it. He couldn’t focus on the memory of his brother showing him his gun anymore, he also couldn’t hear anything. His eyes were glued to the wall across from him, and he was holding his folded legs tight across his chest against the headboard of the bed. All he saw was red on that wall, everything was red.

It was only a few seconds ago that man had been yelling, he was yelling so damn loud Ash thought his ears were going to explode. He was just crying, begging like a toddler was stuck in a sweaty old man’s body. He said he was so damn sorry to Ash, that he’d never lay a finger on Ash again, he would never think about doing anything to Ash again. Ash didn’t listen though, it was all crocodile tears, Ash hated that kind of stuff and he  _ hated _ that man. It was almost immediately after he had shot the gun that Ash’s ears ears really felt like they exploded. He only had a millisecond to consider what had just happened before he dropped the gun to the bed to clasp his hands over his ears. He was surprised to feel that his ears were still there on his head to even begin with. He felt like his whole head was going to pop actually. All he heard was a high pitched ring, a ring so loud that it made the room around him seem completely silent. Like sound didn’t even exist anymore. 

He was still staring at that wall in front of him. He couldn’t get over how red it was. It looked thick and splattered like a balloon with too much air blown into it had popped. Ash use to do that, try to blow balloons he got from his friends birthday parties and blow them as big as they’d go. Now matter how many times a balloon popped in his face he’d be equally as devastated everytime. He’d always cry about it and then Griffin would yell at him to cut it out. Ash wished he had just blown up a balloon too big this time

. His stomach churned, seeing that the red on the wall was chunky in some places, and some pieces of it was just falling off onto the ground. His ears were still ringing so goddamn loud he couldn’t hear the sound of the pieces when they probably hit the floor. Ash expected to hate what he did, he expected to hate it so much. He didn’t realize it though, he didn’t realize that what he felt at that moment he hated even more, and what he felt was nothing. Nothing at all. 

Ash’s ears were still killing him, they were killing his whole head. It felt so bad his vision was wavering, blurring and going dark. He was sitting on his knees then, but he suddenly felt like the bed tilted underneath him. He fell over and rolled out onto the floor. He his the floor hard, his body bouncing as he struggled to keep his hands clasped hard on his ears. He barely felt the fall his ears hurt so bad. 

He looked over at where that huge splatter was on the wall, but on the floor was the real mess. It was that man, his suit still on and all. Where his face use to be was all red though, the worst gore Ash had ever seen. It wasn’t like on the TV at all, it wasn’t anything Ash could of ever thought up of in his head. That was where he shot that disgusting bastard, straight through the fucking head. He wanted to feel something staring at how the shot took out anything recognizable as eyes off the guys face, and how his mouth hung open, and his nose barely had any skin left to even be distinguishable as a nose. 

Ash expected to hate what he did, he expected to hate it so much. He didn’t realize it though, he didn’t realize that what he felt at that moment he hated even more, which was nothing. Nothing at all. He was suppose to feel something, right? Even if it was joy, pain, disgust, or excitement. He had been crying since he even pointed the gun at him but even then it was like everything in his body had left him from that moment forward. He wanted to find meaning in it, yet he felt nothing. He sat there like that, feeling nothing, for god knows how long. He kinda wanted to vomit at some point, looking at the mess he made. 

He had to do _ it _ , he kept telling himself in his head. There was no other way out,  _ it _ would’ve kept happening if he didn’t pull the trigger. He didn’t expect peace now he didn’t expect anything really. He just expected for  _ it _ to stop. He hated how that gun felt in his hand, but at the same time when he was pointing it at that man he felt like it was the only thing left that could save Ash. His only hope left. If control meant holding that gun, then Ash wanted to fucking sleep with it. Ash walked closer to the man, his bare feet stepping in the warm puddle growing around his body. It was like the room kept getting more red, like he was beginning to forget all of the other colors. The piercing ring continued, and he continued to stare down at the man’s face. He didn’t know what else to do, all he could do is watch the man's face, it had truly been torn apart by the bullet he sent through it. 

 

“ _ Isn't it beautiful? _ ” 

 

The ringing came to a complete halt, the smooth voice left nothing but dead silence in the room. Ash didn’t know where the voice was coming from, but it almost felt like it came from all around him and within him at once. Beside the man was the dresser with a large mirror attached to the top part. Ash almost felt like that sound had come from that mirror. Either way, it was like something was pulling him towards it. He reluctantly pushed his gun in the back of his pants, even though his dad use to point out how stupid of a kind of thing it was when he saw someone in a movie do something like put their gun in the back of their pants. He did it anyways, slowly stepping over the man’s leg, blood sticky on his feet as he walked in front of the dresser.

 

He was faced with a grown up, but the grownups hair looked just like his except it was a little longer. He was tall, so tall and his face was smiling. His eyes looked just like his, green and grey. It was like that grown up smiling back at Ash in the mirror was him. His smile was so big, so  _ sinister.  _ Ash didn’t know how long he stood there, looking at the older boy smiling so hard at him from the inside of the mirror. It was like he was a statue, he couldn’t even see the grown up breathing. “Who are you?” Ash asked, but it sounded like anything but a demand. He was tired of being smiled at, it felt like he was being mocked. He couldn’t take his eyes off that grown up though, he wouldn’t dare look away at that smile. 

 

“Are you fucking blind?  _ I’m you _ .” The man sneered, his smile tugging harder at his cheeks. It was like the edges of his lips could have started tearing at any moment then he was smiling so hard. Ash hated this man, he hated him so much. How could he be anything like this guy smiling like a lunatic? 

“Look at your friend, Ash. Look at him, he wants to talk to you.” The man said again, his eyes finally breaking away from Ash’s, looking to the side where the man Ash had shot was lying. “Are you retarded, I wouldn’t have shot that guy if he wasn’t my friend.” Ash spat at the grownup. “Oh really? Have a look, just have a look won’t you?” The man replied, giggling. Ash slowly let his gaze fall from the man in the mirror and back to where the body was lying.

 

Ash’s mouth fell when he saw what was now in the floor. Surrounded by all of the same blood was Shorter, his face all fucked up like the man’s was. Ash screamed then, he screamed a blood curdling scream. It sent him backwards, falling hard onto the ground. He couldn’t move after falling, hands gripping the floor.

 

“ _ Ash _ .” Shorter spoke weakly, his blood dripping from his lips as he did so. Ash jumped, yelping when he saw that Shorter was alive. There was no possible way he could be alive in that state. 

 

“ _ What am I ganna do about- _ ” Shorter began to sob, but nothing was running down his face except blood, all there was to see was blood and the pitiful remains of Shorter’s face. Ash was speechless, he couldn’t say anything. 

 

“ _ What am I ganna do about Nadia? What’s she ganna do _ ?” Shorter sobbed, looking at Ash from his place against the wall. “ _ Tell my sister, please tell her I love her. Tell her not to cry, don’t let her cry about me, please. _ ” He begged, his voice shaking while he sobbed. “S-Shorter! I didn’t mean to, I didn’t me to hurt you!” Ash cried crawling up to Shorter, trying to see if there was any way to save him. The hole was straight through his head though, and it completely blew off the back. There was no way Shorter could even be talking then, but he was. Ash was crying, he was sobbing uncontrollably. How could he have hurt Shorter? How could he have let that happen? 

 

“I know you missed your brother, I know you wished you could’ve been closer to him.” Shorter than said, his voice still shaking like crazy. Ash was looking in Shorter’s eyes, watching his tear filled bloodshot eyes look hard back at him. “You never talked about him, and he never took the breaks to come back to your dad’s. You always acted like you didn’t care, but I always knew it always hurt you.” Shorter continued, his eyes unmovable from Ash’s. Ash was holding the boys shoulder’s, his face close to his, praying he wouldn’t stop talking to him. 

 

“ _ I always loved you like a brother Ash, even though I could never be your brother by blood. You’ll always have someone to love you and...you’ve always had a brother. _ ” Shorter struggled to say, his voice growing weaker by the second. That’s when his eyes rolled up to the ceiling, looking at nothing. Ash pressed his face into the boys shoulder, his face being met with the boys t-shirt wet with blood. It made a crude squishing sound against his face. He cried into it, he cried in heavy pained sobs.

 

“ _ I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry  _ **_I’m sorry_ ** _. _ ” He cried, screaming the words it’s Shorter’s blood drenched t-shirt. He continued to cry, he could’ve been crying there for hours, for days. He couldn’t do anything but cry, and he couldn’t bare to bring his face up from Shorter’s t-shirt to see what he had done. He couldn’t remember how long it had been though exactly, but suddenly the quiet of the room the interrupted once more. 

 

“Ash, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Spoke a much too familiar voice.

Ash’s skin went cold, his body shaking as he slowly looked up to see the face of Shorter. He was really shaking like crazy then, he really didn’t want to look at Shorter’s dead and lifeless face. He didn’t want to hear where that voice had come from either. 

 

He was not met with Shorter’s face, he was not met with anything at all. He was just sitting there in the now cold pool of thick blood. 

 

“Ash, Wha-what are you doing Ash?” The voice asked again, suddenly sounding concerned, desperate even. Ash spun around, his hands nearly slipping in the blood. Eiji was leaning back against the dresser, eyes wide as he look up at...Ash. The grownup Ash, The Ash from the mirror. Ash was crying, tears falling from his face as he stepped closer and closer to Eiji. Eiji squeezed closer against the dresser, gripping the edge behind him. 

 

Ash reached forward, grabbing Eiji and spinning him around to face the mirror. His arm was wrapped so tightly around Eiji, even though Eiji tried to squirm out of his grip, Ash pressed him further against the dresser. Reaching into the back of his pants. When Ash on the ground saw the silver of the gun shine, his throat went dry. He suddenly wanted to vomit, he suddenly wanted to scream. Before he could do either of those, Eiji began to shriek the most god awful scream Ash had ever heard. 

 

Then as if all of it started at once, the agonizing ringing came back. This time is was louder than ever, and Ash clasped his his hands to his ears and he watched the Ash holding Eiji slowly bring the gun up to the side of his head. He couldn’t hear anything but the ringing then, but he could see the spit and tears flying from Eiji’s face as he screamed and cried, his body squirming helplessly against Ash’s grasp. Ash was just crying, standing there like a statue with his pressing against the back of Eiji’s head. Like it was fucking nothing, Ash’s finger pulled the trigger then.

 

**_Click_ **

 

**_Click_ **

 

**_Click_ **

 

Ash sat up, eyes blinded by the sun. Eiji was opening the last set of blind on the row of windows behind the couch. The sun shined in, as the they clicked open. Eiji’s face was concerned, and when he saw Ash sit up he came running over. He sat down beside Ash, not saying anything, only studying his face. That’s when Ash began crying, he didn’t know if he was already crying, but he was crying then. All he could do was cry, and Eiji almost immediately brought the boy into a hug. He felt Ash’s back shake as he sobbed quietly into his shoulder. 

 

“Ash, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” He asked, his voice concerned.

 

“You were asleep just now...you were crying in your sleep.” He said softly.


	7. Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't give up on this fic I promise!! Sorry for such a late update. I have finals and papers and I'm moving back home to the US soon so I haven't been able to write so much recently ;0;. I want to try to update again soon!
> 
> Thank you SO much for those of you who still read and comment! It keeps me going with this fic, so I am always so greatful!

Ash stared at Eiji, sort of confused. 

 

He was sitting up in the futon, Eiji squatting down at his side. The morning sun was shining through the window, Eiji’s tanned skin illuminated by it as quietly studied Ash’s face in concern. Ash couldn’t break away from Eiji’s worried eyes as he brought his fingertips to his surprisingly wet cheek, pulling his hand away his attention left Eiji to see that they were tears. 

 

“Ash, what’s wrong?” Eiji persisted, hands going to his shoulders. Eiji had been there all along, and now his Hands squeezed at his shoulders. Though Ash suddenly felt himself resent the touch, pushing Eiji’s arms away. “Don’t” he mumbled, pushing the blanket off his legs and going to stand up. Eiji sat fully on the ground then, his face somewhat exasperated. Ash looked down at the buttons on his shirt, blonde hair hanging over his face as his fingers eagerly undid each one. He pulled the shirt off his shoulders and handed it to Eiji before he slid the pants down his legs. Standing there in his briefs, he pushed his hair from his face, exposing the bright green eyes that had been hiding underneath.  “Where’s my clothes.” He asked, his voice was cold. Eiji was so surprised, eyes watching as though it was the first time he had seen Ash’s body all over again. Eiji was seeing him in a new light that morning. 

 

The boy was all lean muscle and long legs, it was still unlike anyone Eiji had seen before. Ash raised his eyebrows at Eiji, still waiting for a response. Eiji nearly jumped, suddenly embarrassed.  “Uh-um...couch.” Eiji responded, eyes looking over on the couch where he had placed Ash’s folded sweatpants and t-shirt. Ash sighed, walking over to the couch to grab the pants. Ash was silent as he pulled them up his legs. 

Eiji watched him, still sitting on the floor beside the futon. He had nothing to say, he felt there was nothing he could do to sooth Ash from whatever had overcome him. Ash had gone from such a vulnerable state to having a face of stone. It almost scared him, except ‘scared’ wasn’t exactly the feeling he had then. He didn’t really know why he wasn’t scared to begin with.  Ash turned away from Eiji, the muscles in his back tensed as he pulled his shirt over his head. Eiji would have already started folding the pajamas, but he was so lost in trying to understand the situation that he stayed put on the floor and watched. 

 

“What happened?” He asked softly, not sure if Ash would even respond at first. Ash turned around then. He walked back over to Eiji, but just as Eiji expected for the boy to sit down next to him he walked passed him toward the bathroom. 

 

“I can't do this.” Ash said. “Ash, whatever it _is_ . Whatever it _was_ . It was just a _dream_.” Eiji persisted. He was surprised he was speaking so boldly, he never really spoke so directly. Yet Ash didn’t seem to care at all, as if he never heard Eiji to begin with. With that, He quickly shut the bathroom door behind him, and heard the sink turn on afterwards. He was probably washing his face and brushing his teeth, Eiji thought. If Ash wasn’t much of a boy for words at the moment, at least he was one of good hygienes. Eiji hugged his knees to his chest, pressing his face in between them. He didn’t know what to think of anything anymore. 

 

After a few moments Ash opened the bathroom door, and Eiji looked up with wide eyes. He hoped maybe Ash had changed while he was in there, but his face had the same cold expression. “I’m sorry.” The boy said, walking towards Eiji and bending down. His face drew closer to Eiji’s as he bent down, and Eiji silently held in a tight breath as it happened. Though Ash’s eyes cut to beside Eiji on the futon, he reached to pick up where his phone sat on the blanket. 

 

Eiji exhaled as Ash stood back up, but he felt no relief. “I’m confused.” He said, looking down at his feet. He hadn’t put on his room shoes when he woke up to Ash’s crying that morning. He had ran to the room in bare feet, they had felt cold on the hardwood floor. He wiggled his toes a little, feeling the still cool hardwood underneath. He wondered if it had rained earlier that morning.  

 

“I’m sorry you’re confused. I just really need for this to end where it started.” Ash explained after a few long moments, as if the words were tinder. Eiji looked at the swirls in the white hardwood. He didn’t know what to think, he just stared off into the floor, trying to make shapes of the swirls. He had never studied them so closely since moving in. He wondered why he didn’t study things so closely. If that were what he usually did, would he have trusted Ash in the beginning? 

 

“Did you get what you wanted?” He asked, his voice was low and caught in his throat. Ash’s feet moved a little, his stance stifling. “Wanted?” Ash repeated, and Eiji wondered if he had understood him. Eiji swallowed, not in the mood to repeat himself. “Is it because...last night we didn’t…” He trailed, eyes looking up towards the boy. Eiji squeezed his knees tighter to his chest. He wished he could just fold himself up into nothing. Ash looked back at him, not seeming to glaze over the comment nicely by his expression. 

 

“It’s always about that sort of thing...isn’t it?” Ash responded, his voice quiet. Eiji looked back down at the ground, his face red. He felt nothing but shame then, shame and dread. Eiji didn’t want to talk anymore. He almost wished Ash would just leave then without another word. Eiji remembered how real his dreams of Ash had been, how he felt when he had woken from them. Though they were just dreams, and Eiji accepted that. He was always stressed since moving away from Tokyo, of course he was having crazy dreams. Eiji wondered if that was _really_ what Ash was on about, whatever dream he was having the night before.

 

It couldn’t be that simple though, could it? “If it wasn’t _that_ , then what was it then? What could you have possibly dreamed of that would lead you to hate me so much.” Eiji found himself asking then. He was beginning to feel impatient. Ash seemed to hold his breath then, and Eiji could feel his eyes on him. Eiji looked up again, his eyes narrowing at Ash. Ash kept silent. 

 

“I killed you.” Ash responded, his voice weak. His expression stayed the same though, cold as stone.

 

 “I killed you, and I felt nothing of it.” 

 

Eiji was silent, fingers tracing the swirls in the hardwood as he processed Ash’s words. It was weird, Ash being so emotional about a nightmare. It was weird because Eiji too had felt so strongly about the dreams he had also had previously. Surely the two had nothing to do with each other, it’s a given to have crazy dreams during a time of stress or change. Though the way Ash spoke, the way he looked crying in his sleep. It was uncanny how similar Eiji had felt when waking from one of the strange dreams he had after first meeting Ash. It was uncanny for sure. 

 

“At least stay for tea.” Eiji insisted, looking up at Ash with persistent eyes. 

 

“Did you not just hear me?” Ash questioned. 

 

“I heard you perfectly” Eiji responded. 

 

“Aren’t you afraid of me?” Ash asked, he almost sounded desperate then.

 

 “No.” Eiji stated, looking hard into Ash’s eyes.

 

“Why?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

Ash sighed, rubbing his face. He let his hands slide down past his eyes, looking at Eiji silently for a moment before speaking again. He looked exhausted, his pale skin looking dark around his half open eyes. His blonde hair was still messy from sleeping, hanging down over his face more than usual.

"Do you at least have some coffee?" He asked.

-

 

“Yuu-chan, why don’t you take your clients home?” Yut-Lung’s coworker asked, leaning against the handrail, the skinny river sparkling behind him. Swarms of foreigners bustled by, and there was a perpetual crowd swarmed on the side of the bridge to take a picture with the famous glico sign. Yut-lung always felt that it was a little funny how Osaka’s recognizable landmark was a giant advertisement. Yut lung slipped a cigarette in his mouth as his eyes skimmed the crowd. 

 

“Why do you take your clients home?” He found himself asking, avoiding the stupid question. His coworker cracked a smile at his question though, playing with the excessive piercings on his ear as he looked over at Yut-Lung. “Because they’re cute.” He responded, giggling. Yut-Lung could have vomited on that bridge then and there. He hated it when his coworkers left work with the same charm they used to get more bottles of champagne. “You forgot that they were easy.” He added, taking out his cigarette and slowly blowing out a stream of smoke. 

 

The sun beat down on his forehead, and his long hair felt like it was suffocating him already. The cigarette wasn’t helping, he wished he had never picked up the habit. If his was there to mom see him smoking there on that bridge she would have beat him half to death. He should be preserving his beauty anyway. “Yuuchan, you should really start enjoying yourself more. You’re finally the top host, you can get any girl you want now.” His coworker sighed, back resting against the railing as he looked up at the sky. 

 

“Damn it’s starting to get hot.” His coworker then suddenly complained, eyes squinting hard against the sun’s rays. Yut-Lung chose not to say anything. He knew he would be the top host, he knew when he started the job. “Don’t you have work tonight? It’s best you don’t sweat.” Yut-Lung told him, looking at the drop of sweat that had formed on his coworkers forehead. “I’m going home before work today.” He responded, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. Yut-Lung would rarely ever sweat, even in the scolding Japanese summers. It was only mid-Spring though, Most days Yut-Lung needed a Jacket still but the weather was still as indecisive as ever it seemed. 

 

“Let’s go to that new bubble tea cafe, you know the one that just opened in Amemura.” His coworker then said, pushing himself off the handrail. “So you can throw it up tonight after work?” Yut-Lung responded, not in the mood to stand in line anywhere in the heat. Everywhere in Namba had a line, especially those god awful new bubble tea joints. Yut-Lung was not in the mood to exhaust himself anymore. His eyes continued to scan the crowd of people. He was off the clock for scouting, but he if found the right girl pass by, he knew he could get her to come to the club that night. 

 

That’s when a particularly tall foreigner had walked by. Just a few feet away from where Yut-Lung and his Coworker had been standing. The large build and long brunette hair pulled back couldn’t have been anyone else to Yut-Lung. “Oi-” Yut-Lung called out, reaching a hand out to grab the man's arm. The man looked over his shoulder immediately, looking ready to fight until he was met with Yut-Lung’s smiling face. Yut lung never really smiled, and that seemed to catch the man off guard as well.

 

“What are you doing here?” He asked, his arm not leaving Blanca’s. Blanca didn’t care to shake it off, Yut-Lung felt relieved he didn’t. “Shopping.” He said, aloof as always. Yut-Lung smirked harder. “Good, I was going to buy a new shirt today anyways.” He hummed, turning his head towards his coworker. “I think I'm ditching you now.” He frowned, though his co worker laughed in response. 

 

He was always thankful that most of the guys from the club never got too attached, not even to their friends most of the time. “I don’t think I’ll be alone for long, I’ll find us a new customer today.” He responded, winking. “Work hard.” Yut-Lung responded, giving the man a hard look. He walked away with Blanca quickly, but mostly because Blanca wasn’t one to slow down when he was on his way somewhere. He didn’t usually give up much time to any strangers, or any of Yut-Lung’s strange friends for that matter. . 

 

He tightened his fingers around Blanca’s arm. “Hope I’m not intruding.” He smiled, eyes gently squinting against the sun as he looked up at Blanca’s face. Blanca looked so good in the sunlight, He thought. His golden skin and hardened expression wasn’t a common site on those streets. Especially his long deep brown hair. 

 

“We’ve never gone anywhere together before.” Blanca stated, tilting his head as a smirk tugged on the side if his lips. “And I’ve never seen you in the sunlight.” Yut-Lung responded, trying not to smile too hard to show his excitement. “I never really go out in the daytime. I’m too old for this city.” Blanca chuckled, moving his hand out of Yut-Lung’s grasp and giving the boy’s arm a soft punch. Yut lung felt the excitement in his chest drop, trying not to let it show on his face. 

 

Yut-Lung the two had started off down the bridge towards Shinsaibashi. “How about a cafe? I haven’t had enough coffee this morning.” Blanca suggested, looking down at Yut-Lung for a response. “Sounds lovely.” Yut-Lung said, his face not matching his word choice. He was already irritated by the crowds of people. He really wondered sometimes if travelers knew Osaka wasn’t just the Namba area, or the dotonbori Glico sign for that matter. It was truly a shame. 

 

“We can just go to this Starbucks here.” Yut-Lung suggested, walking closer to the famous two story starbucks that overlooked the perpetually crowded bridge behind them. Blanca frown. “I have a much nicer place in mind.” He said, taking the lead against the crowd. Yut-Lung’s fingers quickly latched onto the sleeve of Blanca’s shirt when a swarm of tourists pushed past them. The both of them slowly squeezed past the crowd and into the backstreets, their pace slowing as the amount of people dissipated with every block they turned down on.Yut-Lung loosened his grip on Blanca’s shirt sleeve when there wasn’t enough people to separate the two. He was surprised Blanca was allowing for Yut-Lung to be touchy in the first place.

 

 Yut-Lung felt his irritation lighten up a bit, breathing in the smell of fresh takoyaki/ and cigarettes that seemed to always loom in the air on these streets. He suddenly felt urged to light another cigarette, but knew Blanca would somehow disapprove of his new habit. Instead he fiddled with the lighter in his pocket, not daring to pull it with the box of cigarettes out. 

 

“Where are we going?” He asked, he was feeling a bit impatient now that it had been quite a few silent minutes of walking. “Somewhere.” Blanca replied, looking over to Yut-Lung with a smirk. Yut-Lung felt more irritated, but didn’t say anything else. 

 

Like that, the two continued down the skinny street until Blanca had brought them to a small cafe wedged in between two other restaurants. Blanca could barely fit through the door, a common problem it was. Yut-lung followed suit, wearily behind. He looked around the small room, only there being a few tables. It was decorated all fancy, but the kind of fancy old people really enjoyed. Raspberry velvet curtains were pulled back against the soft gold window panes that watched out on the street. The tables shined of warm wood with small crystal glasses turned upside down beside their cutlery baskets. The waiter who sat them down by the window wore a white dress shirt with a black waistcoat and tie. 

 

The place was so typical for Blanca, his tastes even older than he was it seemed. Blanca sat down across from Yut-Lung with a sigh, resting his chin in his hand and looking across the table. 

 

“You seem off today.” Blanca hummed, but before Yut-Lung could say anything the waiter had come with menus. Blanca kindly declined them, ordering two black coffee’s right away. Black coffee, what a _bore_ , Yut-Lung thought to himself. It was only the early afternoon then but Yut-Lung would have felt more than pleased with a tall glass of red wine. 

 

When the waitress left it was silent between the two, but Yut-lung looked like the only one uncomfortable because of it. “Is work finally taking a toll on you?” Blanca asked, taking a sip of water as he watched out the window at an old man walking his dog pass the window beside them.

 

They had only walked a few streets off from the busiest part of town, but it didn’t look like that at all onto the street. All the buildings were run down, tightly packed against each other. There were only a couple locals passing by the storefront every few moments. Osaka was like that, one moment you would be in this super modern part of town, and then the rest were just narrow streets with even narrower alleyways and rusty light up izakaya signs that hung over graffitied vending machines. 

 

“Work is always taking a toll on me.” Yut-Lung sighed, leaning back into the chair, he didn’t even want to think about his shift that night. He probably only had about five hours from that point until he had to head to the club. He only felt dread thinking about the long night that was ahead of him. 

 

Sometimes Yut-Lung wondered if he would always be a host. He wouldn’t be young and beautiful forever, but the thought still dawned on him. Yut lung didn’t know what kind of life he could lead besides hosting, surely it wouldn’t be a prettier one. Everyone would leave him eventually too. His attitude was never tolerable outside the club. He only knew how to be nice when the money was at stake. He didn’t know if it was greed or not, or just the hatred that seemed to always be motivating him. 

 

It really ate him inside, his work, his life, _himself_. 

 

“What are thinking about?” Blanca asked, and of course the waiter had to come over with the coffee then. He placed their coffees in front of them one at a time as Yut-Lung avoided Blanca’s eyes. Blanca continued to stare at him though, he didn’t care if Yut-Lung didn’t like those sort of things. Blanca probably couldn’t even tell. 

 

“Nothing.” Yut-Lung mumbled, picking up the piping hot cup and taking a careful sip. His mouth filled with bitterness, and his scrunched his eyebrows up at the taste. Blanca chuckled, taking a slow sip of his. 

 

He didn’t respond though, looking at Yut-Lung as if he could wait all day for a response. Yut-Lung hated when he would do that, he could never just be short with Blanca. It was all fun and games for Yut-Lung until Blanca turned the conversation on him. Yut-Lung never wanted to talk about himself. For all the things Yut-Lung wanted, he didn’t want to share any of it. His thoughts, nor his wants. He always found a way to get what he wanted, he never asked for it or complained.

 

Yut-Lung crossed his arms over his chest, trying not to look uncomfortable. Eventually after too many moments of silence he caved. He only hated silence when it was with Blanca, when Blanca was waiting for something from him. 

 

“Sometimes I can’t really digest my thoughts.” Yut-Lung sighed, looking out the window at another pedestrian as they walked by. 

 

“Is that so, well I guess your thoughts must leave you somehow. You can’t just always be thinking about the same thing, right?” Blanca replied, somewhat tenderly. He leaned forward on his elbows as he did so. He suddenly seemed interested, and Yut-Lung was suddenly interested in that. 

 

“I guess you could say...they leave me... in pieces.” He confessed, finally able to look at Blanca’s face. He smiled when he saw Blanca looking back at him. Why couldn’t Blanca always look at him like that? That was all he really wanted out of that day. Blanca chuckled, taking another sip of his coffee, eyes unmoving. 

 

That’s when a waitress walked over. She must had been somewhere in the back of the cafe, because Yut-Lung couldn’t recall seeing her when they first walked in. “Excuse me, but where are you from?” She asked, eyes on Blanca as she placed a napkin on their table. What a pitiful excuse to talk, Yut-Lung thought to himself. 

 

Blanca smiled hard at her “Russia.” He responded sweetly. Yut-Lung was no longer smiling, but the waitress smiled, and he could feel his skin beginning to prickle. “Wow, amazing! I have always wanted to visit Russia!” She responded, voice full of delight. Yut lung took a hard gulp of his coffee, letting it scorch his tongue. How he wished it was wine. “It’s a beautiful place, what’s stopping such a lovely woman from going?” Blanca responded, head resting in his hand. His charm was the same. It was always the same. By the way the woman blushed back in Blanca, Yut-Lung knew it wouldn’t be a short conversation. He back into his chair and pulled his phone from his pocket. 

 

He already received a bunch of messages from clients, they were the only messages he was really used to receiving. His eyes darted up from his phone to the woman, she seemed older than his clients. Yut-Lung didn’t want for the conversation to drag on endlessly like every other conversation Blanca decides to have with some curious woman who stumbles upon him. 

 

He wasn’t keen on messaging back any of his clients either, who seemed to only care about his shift that night, and more importantly what he was going to do after it. Yut-Lung leaned forward in his seat, trying not to let the look of defeat leave his exhausted expression as he watched the waitress talk about whatever the hell she thought was going to get herself in Blanca’s bedroom. 

 

He watched carefully for a while, chin resting in his palm, fingers playing anxiously with a small plastic creamer cup. “I would love if we could go see a English movie sometime!” The waitress told Blanca, smiling wide at him. Yut lung usually let it slide when Blanca decided to flirt with a girl, he really did. Well, sometimes he did. Although this time Yut-Lung was feeling especially bold. He was usually feeling bold, anyway. 

 

Yut-Lung decided to reach his hands forward across the table, fingers reaching for the cuffs of Blanca’s dress shirt. The small creamer cup he had been toying with dropped down onto the table. “Baby, don’t we already have plans?” Yut-Lung inquired, one of his hands sliding from the cuff of his sleeve to rest in Blanca’s hand. Yut lung tried not to let the red on his face show as he realized how small his own hand looked in Blanca’s. 

 

Blanca’s hand clasped shut over his then, and the warmth it created in Yut-Lung’s chest turned quickly sour when he felt Blanca squeeze the shit out of his fingers. Blanca seemed to be at a loss for words, Yut-Lung had never openly touched him like that before. Yut lung never had the opportunity though, and if there was one, now had been a perfect time to test his boundaries. Except Yut-Lung thought his fingers would crack against each other, but Blanca’s face looked nearly the same. 

 

The waitress seemed to be the one who was most visibly uncomfortable. With that Yut-Lung leaned forward on the table, eyes on her like they would burn anywhere else. “I work for him, maybe you misinterpreted our relationship. You see, I work by the hour and we still have a lot more planned. Maybe it’s oversharing, but I only plan on doing what I intended to be paid for.” Yut-Lung said in the same sweetly soft voice he used when he wanted another client to buy more champagne for the night. Just like a glass of expensive champagne, she bought it. Bowing slightly in dismay and embarrassment, she nearly ran back through the swishing doors to the kitchen. 

 

Yut-Lung’s fingers had completely lost their feeling. He quickly yanked his hand out of Blanca’s grasp, hissing quietly in pain. “Babe, that hurt.” He hummed, holding his wrist as he attempted to move his purpled knuckles. “I’ll never teach you.” Blanca spoke, eyes dark as they glared at Yut-Lung across the table. 

 

Yut-Lung smirked “If you’re going to be like _that_ then...have fun trying to get rid of me.” He replied, winking. Blanca didn’t take to kindly to the gesture though, reaching roughly in his pocket and slapped a bill on the table. “I’m done here.” He said, his lips pulling tightly into a thin line as he stood up. His dark eyes squinted at Yut Lung, as he was trying to figure the boy out. Yut-Lung crossed his arms, ready for the man to walk out then and there. The door behind Blanca opened then and there, a familiar glimpse of bright purple hair capturing Yut-Lung’s attention. It was Shorter, and slinking along at his side was Sing. Foreigners really had there ways of finding the same cafes, Yut-Lung thought. 

 

When Shorter noticed Yut-Lung he didn’t show much of an excited expression. He seemed like the type of guy who was the friendliest to everyone, and the worst to his enemies. Yut-Lung would of liked to think that Shorter had deemed him an enemy. “Hey, what are you guys doing here?” Sing asked, walking up to their table like it was his own. “Don’t you have like school or something like that.” Yut-Lung asked, giving the small boy a sharp look. He didn’t need any more people interrupting. “It’s a holiday.” Shorter responded, he walked up to the table as well, hand grabbing Sing’s shoulder as he eyed the bill Blanca had thrown on the table. 

 

“Ten-thousand yen? What the hell did you guys _order_ ?” He asked, astonished. Sing sighed, calmly looking down at the bill as well. “More like, what the hell did Yut-Lung _do_.” He added, looking over at Yut-Lung who leaned back in his chair as if he were the most innocent boy on earth.  Blanca looked less than pleased, rubbing a harsh hand along his jaw. 

 

“I don’t believe I have met your friends.” Blanca then spoke, turning to Shorter and holding out a hand to shake. Shorter was careful meeting the man’s hand with his own. “It’s Shorter.” He spoke, eyebrows furrowed under his dark sunglasses. Yut-Lung couldn’t figure out why the guy didn’t take them off when he entered the store. 

 

“I’m Sing.” Sing then said proudly, sticking his hand out firmly to Blanca. Blanca carefully shook his hand, smiling softly. “You seem kinda young to know these guys.” He said, chuckling slightly. Sing didn’t take too kindly to the comment though, his face filled with pride. “I work at the big takoyaki stand down the road, so I know all the big guys.” He said, elbowing at Shorter. “And you’re, one of the big guys?” Blanca asked Shorter, raising an eyebrow. Shorter’s face got slightly read, but his chin tipped forward, jaw tightening. “I guess...I’m considered _big_...” He laughed, hand naturally reaching up to scratch the back of his head. Shorter was used to being the biggest guy in the room, except Blanca was the first guy he’d seen in Japan that was bigger than him. 

 

“So, what are you guys doing here anyway?” Sing asked, looking at Yut-Lung. He felt like the question was a stretch for Yut-Lung, but he never hesitated when it came to digging into the boy’s private life. Although to Yut-Lung, any kind of question usually involved his private life. 

 

“Why are you interrupting us?” Yut-Lung questioned, tilting his head to the side at Sing. “We were having a very important conversation just now.” He continued, smiling distastefully. His eyes seemed to hold onto nothing but darkness. Sing rolled his eyes, and Blanca began to stand up from his seat. “I was _actually_ just heading out.” He sighed, pushing his chair underneath the table. Yut-Lung’s expression softened then. “How do you know Yut-Lung?” Sing asked Blanca. Blanca looked at Yut-Lung, and then back at Sing. 

 

“I don’t know him too well, I think he’s the one who knows me.” Blanca responded, looking at Sing with another tight grin. Sing was silent. “Well, I’ll be off then.” Blanca then said, before turning his heal and leaving out the door. Sing looked back at Yut-Lung once the man was out the door, eyebrows furrowed. 

“You’re ganna get hurt.” Sing told Yut-Lung, his Chinese spilling out like he couldn’t wait to speak naturally from the start. Yut-Lung tucked a long strand of hair behind his ear, reaching into his pocket with his other hand to grab his cigarettes and lighter. He opened the box and stuck a cigarette in between his delicate lips before placing the box back into his pocket. 

 

“What makes you say that?” He finally responded, lighting the end of his cigarette as his eyes lazily made their way to Sing. “That huge _guy_ , he looked like some insane mafia boss or some shit, where was he even from anyways?!” Sing questioned, irritated that Yut lung still wasn’t taking him seriously. 

 

Yut lung took a long drag of the cigarette, not eager to answer any of those questions. He looked at Sing’s irritated face, and then at Shorter’s smug expression. “What would either of you know about the _fucking mafia_?” He scoffed. Watching their irritated glares Yut-lung  began to giggle, bringing the cigarette from his lips. When his soft giggles turned into a harsh laugh, he brought his empty hand to his mouth, leaning over the table as he held his cigarette up with his other hand. 

 

Sing and Shorter continued to glare at him, seemingly unamused.  They stayed like that for a moment, and Yut-Lung took a weak of the cigarette, his eyes glassy from laughing. He almost looked sad, maybe it was sadness that overcome him all. He had nothing to laugh about. 

 

“You really wanna die that bad?” Sing finally asked, voice soft even though his eyes looked furious. Yut-Lung couldn’t think of a response before the boy grabbed the cigarette from between his fingers and shoved the butt down hard into the ashtray on the table. Yut-Lung was quiet, fingers stiff as if he was still holding the damn thing. He looked up to Sing with soft eyes. He hated that kid, he always had. He never understood why Sing was always trying to show him what was right. 

 

“There’s a better coffee place down the street.” Shorter said, breaking the silence as his eyes narrowed down on Yut-Lung. Even through the dark glasses the man wore, Yut-Lung felt pierced by Shorter’s eyes underneath. The metal piercing in his eyebrow in full view as he looked down on Yut-Lung. Yut-lung felt the hairs on the back of his neck raise by the way Shorter looked at him. Yut-Lung rarely felt threatened, but at that moment he felt frozen. Yut-Lung wondered what kind of life Shorter lead in America. If he was like the rich kids in the movies, or the guys who only cause trouble. Yut-Lung felt like America was probably nothing like the movies anyway.

 

It didn’t take long for the two to head out of the cafe, leaving Yut-Lung to sit quietly in his chair. The whole room was empty then, except for him. So he ran his hand another time through his long silky ponytail before he went to light another cigarette. Leaning back into his chair as he watched out the window.


	8. Salmon Bagels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felt bad for taking such a long break from writing so here's a short chapter update! I have so many ideas going now so I want to try my best to update as often as I can ;-: even tho I am super busy. Thanks so much to anyone and everyone who reads!

“Do you like these?” Eiji asked as he opened one of the cupboards in his kitchen as Ash stood quietly at counter across from him. His fingers were tapping a beat into the counter but abruptly stopped when he saw the bag of bagels Eiji pulled out. “Where did you buy those?” Ash questioned; eyes wide. “I haven’t seen a single bagel since I came here.” He added, leaning forward over the countertop as Eiji grabbed two plates from another cupboard. “They can sometimes be hard to find I guess.” Eiji responded quietly, reaching into the plastic bag they were in and places a bagel on both plates. “Do you eat these in America?” He asked before he wrapped the bag back up and walked over towards the fridge. “Every morning…Actually, can I have two?” Ash asked, leaning farther over the counter so he could try to read the label on the bag. It seemed to be from a bakery Ash wasn’t too familiar with.

           

            “Sure.” Eiji said quietly, walking back over with small a food container and a small box of cream cheese. Ash watched quietly as the boy pulled an extra bagel out of the plastic bag and placed it on Ash’s plate. He quietly smeared cream cheese on each bagel then, not daring to say anything more. Eiji wanted to talk of course, he was just still trying to line the right words up in his mind. Ash seemed to be doing the same for that matter. It had been completely silent amongst the two of them until Eiji had gone to pop open the plastic food container and picked up a thin slice of raw salmon. He had barely carried it over to Ash’s bagel with his chopsticks until Ash had anxiously cleared his throat. Eiji looked up at him abruptly. “You’re putting salmon on a bagel?” Ash asked him, his face looked slightly offended. Eiji didn’t think twice about it though. It was such a normal dish for him. His favorite café at the Tokyo National Art Museum served an amazing salmon bagel with cream cheese.

 

            “Of course, I’m putting salmon on a bagel.” Eiji responded, looking at Ash as the boy leaned over the counter. His arms were folding over the high end of the countertop, head resting in them as he looked down confusedly at the salmon still hanging from Eiji’s chopsticks. “Why.” Ash asked, eyes leering up at Eiji, no longer looking down at the plates. Eiji’s posture stiffened slightly. “Because it’s healthy and delicious.” He justified, as he neatly placed the salmon onto the boy’s bagel. It draped over the sides of the bagel like a blanket. “What if I don’t like it.” Ash proposed, looking pained as Eiji slapped another sliver of salmon on his second bagel. His eyebrows were stitched together, looking at the god forsaken bagel. “If you don’t like it then just give me your salmon then. You need to at least try it though.” Eiji sighed, fixing up his own bagel. That’s when the hot water kettle clicked, and Eiji reluctantly grabbed two mugs from the cabinet and walked over to it to begin pouring hot water in them.

 

            “What kind of breakfast do Americans eat everyday anyways, _Mcdonalds_?” Eiji inquired, grabbing the instant coffee from beside the kettle and used the teaspoon he grabbed from the drawer below the countertop to scoop a small amount into each cup. “Mcdonalds?! Wow I’m offended.” Ash exasperated, as though he were hurt, except Eiji could hear the smile that must have been on his lips then. Maybe that was the first time Ash smiled that morning, Eiji thought. “Then what do you eat then?” Eiji inclined, dipping the same teaspoon he used for the instant coffee in powdered creamer and putting a generous amount in both cups. Eiji didn’t usually drink coffee, but he did enjoy the smell quite a lot. “Eggs, bacon, bagels that aren’t combined with any kind of actual raw fish.” Ash explained as Eiji walked back to the plates on the counter with two mugs of hot coffee. “Sounds yummy.” Eiji responded, nervously smiled he placed all the dishes on a tray he kept at the end of the counter and set them down on the table in the living room. Ash took a seat at the table in front of the couch as he did so.

 

            They were quiet sitting down, and Eiji didn’t know where to start as Ash took a large bite out of one of the bagels. Eiji hoped he liked the fish, but maybe Ash was just hungry. As Eiji might had suspected, Ash had taken the top off his bagel and picked off the slice of Salmon. It was covered in cream cheese, and Ash was quick to set it down on Eiji’s plate. Ash did the same with the other bagel, all while he was still chewing from his first bite. He set the other sliver of salmon on top of the first on Eiji’s plate. Eiji sighed, grabbing a clean pair of chopsticks he usually kept sitting on the table and picked up one of the slices of tuna, slowly placing it into his mouth. Ash nearly inhaled both the bagels in a matter of seconds, sipping slowly on the hot coffee as Eiji slowly and quietly finished the slices of fish Ash had given him. “So.” Ash spoke after swallowing a small sip of coffee. he was leaned back against the couch, hands hugging his mug on the table. “You wanted to talk, right.” Ash said, his voice soft.

 

            “Yea I did.” Eiji replied, taking a small bite out of the edge of his bagel. Ash waited for Eiji to finish chewing, taking another sip of his coffee. Eiji still looked tired, his usual neatly styled hair was a bit messy, not swept from his eyes like it usually was. He still had his pajamas on too. Even for just waking up, Eiji looked a million times more put together than Ash did. Even his bed head wasn’t nearly as wild as Ash’s hair was. “Your dream.” Eiji spoke, but when he did, his throat had grown tight from nervousness. Ash looked stiff again already, and Eiji grew fearful that he would insist on leaving again. “I think I had a similar dream.” Eiji confessed. Ash looked at him harshly, and Eiji’s hands immediately went into fists in his laps. “What do you mean.” Ash probed. Eiji looked down at his lap, fingernails digging into his hands slightly. He never thought he would be talking about this, especially with Ash.

 

            “I had a dream the other night, it felt so real that I couldn’t really believe it when I woke up…” Eiji trailed. Eiji noticed Kikochan had come up beside him. She must had been hidden during the chaos of that morning. Eiji didn’t go to rub her fur as he kneaded her head in Eiji’s side as she walked by. “Well what was it about?” Ash asked, not seeming to be following Eiji. Kikochan had walked underneath the table then, greeting Ash on the other side. Ash confided in petting her. Eiji’s fingernails dug deeper into his palms, had that been the last thing he wanted to have to tell Ash. Maybe it would have been easier to explain a dream where he killed Ash. It wouldn’t be so uncomfortably weird if it were that case, Eiji thought to himself. “It was about… _you_.” Eiji said quietly, nearly in a whisper. Ash looked up from Kikochan to Eiji. “Wet dreams don’t count.” He stated, his expressionless face changing quickly into a grinning one. “Where did you learn that term? Who’s teaching you Japanese?!” Eiji questioned, his hand going up to cover his beat red face.

 

            “Shorter.” Ash answered before taking a drink of coffee. “You should be more careful learning from him.” Eiji told him, his eyes looming back down to his lap. “And I didn’t have that sort of dream.” He mumbled, not able to look at Ash. It was _exactly_ that kind of dream, anyway. Eiji’s heart sunk then, it sunk deep at the memory. Eiji wondered how a dream could feel so much like a memory. He wanted to forget that dream. “In my dream, you were hurt.” Eiji said quietly. Ash was silent, but Eiji knew that now he was listening. “You were hurt, your whole life. Your whole life people hurt you. I don’t know who, or why, or how. I just knew then, in my dream, that you were so…” Eiji’s voice nearly caught in his throat. He couldn’t believe he was getting so emotional over a dream, but when he looked up and was met with the pain struck expression on Ash’s face, he knew. Ash knew what he was talking about. “ _Hurt_.” Eiji finished, Eyes filling with concern as he looked across the table to Ash. The two then fell silent, and despite Eiji felt as though he could cry, he anxiously took a small bite from his bagel. It was just dreams, he told himself. Dreams are not reality.

           

            “No one has ever really hurt me.” Ash then said. “I used to get in fights a lot when I was a kid and when I was a teenager but…No one has ever _really_ hurt me.” Ash explained, as if he was trying to uncover some forgotten memory. He was just as confused as Eiji was. “Was it the only dream?” Ash then asked, continuing to pet Kikochan who had fallen asleep snuggled up at his side. “Yea.” Eiji spoke. “It was the only dream.” He said quietly. Ash nodded, lost in deep thought. “I had them before I met you.” He admitted; his eyes focused hard on Eiji’s. “I knew what you looked like before I saw you at the café. I knew you’re voice before you spoke to me. I knew what you were like before you opened up to me.” He added. Ash looked scared, scared of his own words. Like saying them really made his situation true.

 

            “Surely it was just a coincidence, I mean, they say we always dream of a face we’ve seen before. If you compare me with 5 other Tokyo guys, you might not have been able to tell the difference” Eiji chuckled, trying his best reassure Ash. Though what Ash said did make Eiji feel more uneasy than he did before. Not because of Ash’s dream that morning, not because Eiji had a similar kind of dream either. It just seemed that the impossible was coming true. “It could be.” Ash replied, looking down at his plate. “I just can’t help but wonder why. Why all of the sudden we have these dreams out of nowhere.” Ash continued, pushing around a few crumbs left on his plate with his finger. “I mean, you’re a student abroad so you must be more stressed than usual. I’ve been stressed since I started University, and recently my job at the café is even more stressful…Stress is known to cause crazy dreams.” Eiji explained, trying to find some reassurance in that. “You’re probably right. I just can’t stop thinking about the how’s and why’s I guess.” Ash sighed, leaning over the table. He rested his head into his folded arms, as though he could fall back asleep then. Eiji wondered if he would, but he took the opportunity to say what he knew he would be too embarrassed to say with Ash’s emerald eyes on him.

 

“I don’t know why we both had the strange dreams, and I don’t know why they felt so real to us but…I know…I know for a fact that…I don’t want you to leave. Even If this is the universe telling us that what has happened shouldn’t have happened, or that we don’t deserve some future together…whatever it may be…I don’t care. Even if what you said was true, not being able to do this anymore. Not being able to see my face after whatever dream you had to endure. I don’t care about it. Maybe I am being selfish but, I don’t want to have to say goodbye to you. Not now. Even if this is the Universe saying it, not even then.” Eiji stated, his hands balling back up into fists in his lap. He wondered if Ash was even listening.

 

“Fuck the universe.” Ash grumbled in English; his voice muffled underneath his arms. Though Eiji had seen enough foreign movies to understand Ash that time. If he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have broken out in such laughter. Eiji couldn’t help but laugh, leaning back onto his hands with his head thrown back. Tears welled up at the corners of his eyes as Ash looked up from his arms at him surprised, a slight smile tugging at his lips. “Yea! Yea!” Eiji hollered, “fuck the universe!” He restated, not caring if his pronunciation was off. Ash had started to chuckle as well, but mostly because Eiji had become so tickled by the remark. “I didn’t know you knew that much English.” Ash teased, softly kicking the boy’s knee from underneath the Kotatsu. Eiji couldn’t break away from his laughter to respond though, falling back into the floor with his arms wrapped around his stomach. Ash didn’t know the most mundanely insensitive English could be so funny, but maybe it was just because it was the first time Eiji heard such a thing coming from a native’s mouth.

 

            “Get yourself together.” Ash groaned, though he couldn’t help the smile on his face. He stood up to see Eiji rolling around on the hardwood behind him, knees hugging his chest as his laughter calmed into soft giggles. Ash walked over and lowered himself on the ground beside Eiji, laying onto his back as well. Eiji turned his head to Ash, smiling ear to ear. “I think maybe your English is just as rude as your Japanese.” He giggled, and Ash could feel the boy’s fingers tugging at the sleeve of his t-shirt. “I think that maybe, we’re both losing our minds.” Ash chuckled, his eyes focusing on the white ceiling of the room. Eiji laughed at that too, though he seemed to grow quiet soon after, lost in thought. The hardwood cooled his body, and suddenly felt so calm with Eiji’s finger’s holding onto his shirt sleeve. They laid there like that for a few moments, watching the ceiling.

 

            “Eiji.” Ash then spoke, his voice soft. Eiji’s finger’s were playing with the stitching on his sleeve. “Mm?” The boy hummed. “I don’t want to hurt you.” Ash nearly whispered. Ash’s chest tightened when he felt Eiji’s hand leave his sleeve.

            “I’ve hurt people before, not like the dream I had but…I tend to have a habit of hurting people. I don’t know if it’s me that’s always finding trouble, or if it’s the other way around but…I don’t want you to get mixed into it. You’re my first friend here besides Shorter, and Shorter is kind of already the whole package of trouble. Did you know he’s almost gotten us arrested 3 times since coming here? Once he tried jumping the fence to get a free look at the zoo in Tennoji. Another time he jumped off the bridge at Dotonbori into the river, except he fell into one of the tourist boats and nearly knocked himself out, I thought he was dead, that dumbass, I don’t even know why he did it then because it was only a Tuesday morning so-.”

 

“Ash-“ Eiji interrupted, his voice serious. Ash stiffened, suddenly feeling Eiji’s warm hand clasping the inside of his own. “Ash, did you not understand me the first time? Maybe I spoke too quickly but, I want to be by your side.” He spoke, his fingers squeezing in between Ash’s longer ones. Ash was silent, and suddenly he found that he could cry then. It was stupid, he was never so easy to cry. The truth was, no one had ever said such a thing to him. He could never become friends with anyone unlike himself. In that moment, he didn’t care about anything else. He didn’t care about anything but the boy lying beside him, squeezing his hand.

 

“Then please, be by my side.”  


	9. Iced Tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I AM SO FREAKING SORRY FOR BEING SO LATE WITH A NEW CHAPTER!!!!  
> and I am sorry to be delivering a short chapter after taking such a long time to update!!! I promise I am still working on this fic. I've had a ton on my plate ever since I last updated and I am taking a ton of classes now so I will be updating whenever I can!!!! But I tried really hard to write something sweet!!

2 months later 

 

It was hot, hot like midsummer Florida trips. Except there were no swimming pools around to dive into, or a Disney World water park nearby. Eiji only had a small AC system tucked into the top corner of his living room. Ash sweated regardless, long limbs splayed out onto the carpet where the Kotatsu use to be. He gripped the paper fan Eiji gifted him, weakly fanning at his face as he tried to understand the kanji calligraphed onto it.

 

“No one told me this country was hotter than balls.” He complained, not wanting to speak Japanese. Eiji looked up at him from behind the counter in the kitchen. The boy dropped a couple ice cubes into a glass. The sound made Ash’s tongue dry. “... _ balls _ ?” Eiji tilted his head in confusion, his eyes left the iced beverages he was making behind the counter and met Ash’s. Ash popped his head up, his chin pressed against his chest as he looked blankly at the boy. “Never mind.” He said before he collapsed his head back against the carpet. He wanted to take a nap there, but he could never sleep when he was sweating. Japanese summers were truly as miserable as everyone has described to him. 

 

His eyes pulled shut, his hand falling limp beside him when he let his grip of the paper fan loose. Ash liked to remember how it felt to dive into his cold neighborhood pool, or dive into a salty ocean wave in long island. Sometimes he felt like he was already forgetting what his life was like back in the states. How the water stung his eyes and chilled his skin. Or all of the times he spent as a kid jumping into the deep end of the pool for diving sticks. Sometimes when he would go for a whole Saturday with his brother and dad. They would order pizza and eat it as the sun set over them. He would eat slice after slice, sitting back into the vinyl strap pool chairs as their trunks dripped chlorine against the concrete below. 

 

How easy those summers were then, how long they felt too. It felt like a year of late nights playing video games, long days of diving into the deep end, and guzzling down ice cold sodas before they got hot. It wasn’t like that now, it merely felt like that sometimes. Time flew past him, and the most exciting days were always the shortest. Ash’s thoughts then subsided when he heard Eiji’s bare feet walking into the living area. When Ash heard the soft sound of a tray being placed next to him, he only opened his eyes slightly. 

 

It was a good sight, Eiji sitting over him, hands resting on his bare thighs because his shorts have ridden up when he sat on his heels. That day he had put on an old T-shirt, Ash knew it was old because the neck was a bit stretched out. He was always so use to seeing Eiji dress nice, but seeing him in an old t-shirt and shorts was like flipping his mental book of how Ash pictured Eiji to a whole clean page. It was a corny thought to begin with, but Ash had the sudden urge to draw hearts and write poems all over it.  

 

“I made us some iced tea.” Eiji spoke softly, the corner of his lips turning upward into a small smile. “I’m sorry it took me so long.” He added, picked up a glass and handed it to Ash as the boy sat up. Ash wiped the sweat that had formed on his upper lip before he lifted his chin and gulped down the glass. Ash couldn’t help but drink it all up, he had been sweating all day. He had been sweating since May for that matter. 

 

He knew he shouldn’t have been so eager when he finished the glass and looked back at Eiji, wiping the cold perspiration on the glass against his forehead. “That tea was a souvenir from Kyoto.” Eiji spoke before he took the cold glass from Ash’s hand before he could continue to pop it under his shirt to cool the rest of his body down. “Sorry..” Ash responded, and he actually meant it. He never really said sorry to anyone. Eiji’s stern look turned into a chuckle, setting the glass down on the tray next to his still full one. 

 

“No.” He sighed, that same grin pulling harder against his slightly sunburnt cheeks. “I’m sorry it’s so hot in here.” He apologized, glancing up at the tiny AC in the corner. “I don’t mind it though.” Ash responded, smiling. Eiji looked back at him, eyebrows stitched. “But you’re always complaining about it.” He retorted. Ash sighed, placing his hands in front of him on the carpet and leaning forward to press his lips against Eiji’s sunkissed cheek. It had caught Eiji off guard, Ash was only recently beginning to become more touchy with him. It was only once and a while when he would do things like that. 

 

Ash wanted to do those things all of the time though. Eiji was always on his mind. 

 

Ash planted another small kiss on the boys jaw, and then brought his lips to Eiji's ear. “I don’t mind it when I’m with you.” He hummed, before retreating back into a sitting position so he could drink up the look on Eiji’s face like he did the iced tea. It was even better than he expected, flushed and bothered. “You can’t just suddenly do things like that…” the boy then said quietly, soft brown eyes looking at Ash’s. Before Ash could apologize Eiji had leaned forward himself, face growing so dangerously close to his. Ash could see his soft brown eyes so perfectly then, his black eyelashes turned down as his looked at Ash’s lips, his own soft pink lips parting. “You... should drink your tea before the ice melts.” Ash advised, smirking even though he heart felt like it was going to explode out of his chest. It was the first time Eiji was really initiating something with him.

 

Eiji didn’t respond though, lidded eyes still staring hard at Ash’s smirking lips. Ash had never wanted anything more than the face Eiji was giving him then, well, he could think of a few more expressions he wanted to see on Eiji’s face. “You’re so cool.” Eiji then said, eyes looking back up at Ash’s. Ash looked back at him in surprise, nearly out of breath. “Everything you do is so cool, I’ve never seen someone like you. I could never be like you.” Eiji continued. Ash then took the boys face in his hands, “I’m not cool.” He responded, chuckling as he realized he was practically shaking from the way Eiji had looked at him. He was always losing his cool around Eiji. He tried to live up to Eiji’s words though, and finally planted a kiss on the boys lips. Eiji opened his mouth and licked softly at Ash’s bottom lip. Eiji was always gentle with everything, especially kissing. 

 

Ash couldn’t take Eiji’s compliments, even though they were all words coming from the boy in the heat of the moment. Ash pulled back from Eiji’s soft kiss and gave the boy a stern look. Eiji looked back at him weakly, desperately. 

 

“Eiji...” Ash breathed rubbing his thumb along the boys bottom lip. “You’re wrong...I can’t stay cool around you, I’m weak.” He smiled softly, crookedly. 

 

For once, Ash couldn’t read the blank expression that Eiji wore, and his red cheeks grew even redder. They sat there silently, Ash staring at Eiji in fear that he had done something wrong. Sometimes Eiji got sad when Ash stopped kissing him, but he has never acted like this. 

 

“What is it?” Ash then asked, breaking the silence. His hands left the boys cheeks and squeezed at his narrow shoulders. 

 

Eiji rubbed the back of his hair, eyes looking down at the small and  melting ice cubes in his glass of tea. He then sighed, quickly cutting his eyes back to Ash. 

 

“I want to do it with you.” He said, as boldly as a word could leave such a gentle boy like Eiji. Eiji was leaning slightly forward then, his eyes waiting to hear a response from Ash. Ash stiffened. 

“Isn’t it too soon? I mean… I know you think I’m cool but maybe it’s just…” Ash’s words cut off as Eiji took one of the boys hands in his. Eiji’s fingers clasped over his hand as if he were about to make a business deal but the thing was having sex wasn’t some kind of business deal to begin with and Ash suddenly felt like he didn’t even know what sex was to begin with. It was like he had been studying for a test his whole life and now the test was there except all he got was a blank page and he didn’t even bring a number two pencil and suddenly he needed to pee...or he needed to puke and-

 

“I love you, Ash.” Eiji spoke, his voice sounded as easy as if he offered another cold glass of tea but his eyes were so glassy now it seemed as though the boy was about to cry. It was a moment sweeter than popsicles at the swimming pool and heavier than the salty ocean waves that would rip Ash underneath the tide. Ash was sweating more than he had that whole day. 

 

Ash moved before he could think, lunging forward and wrapping his arms around Eiji’s neck. The two toppled over onto the floor as Ash nuzzled his face into the boy’s neck. Eiji smelled so good, like sweet matcha powder and shampoo. Ash probably smelled like a big sweaty mess but he couldn’t care less in that moment. “Ah-! A-Ash, that tickles!” Eiji giggled, his arms desperately attempting to pull Ash away from the crook of his neck. Yet the boy was so gentle about it, he was always so gentle. 

 

Ash left the boys neck and leaned over Eiji as he lied breathlessly against the floor, he looked up at Ash with his messy bangs hanging sweeped from his forehead, tears escaping the corners of his eyes from giggling and telling Ash that he loved him. He looked like the cutest giggling and crying mess. 

“I’m going to love you forever Eiji.” Ash responded, a knot forming in his throat as tears formed in his own eyes. He could say it a million times to the boy then. He could never say it enough times. “I’ve loved you since I first laid my eyes on you” He said, bringing a thumb up to the boys smiling face and wiping a tear from underneath his eye. 

 

“Then I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I guess that should have been the first thing I said…” Eiji responded, his face both embarrassed and pleased. Ash smiled, feeling nervousness in his chest. He had thought about having sex with Eiji a million times. At night falling asleep, in the morning brushing his teeth. Hell, he was already dreaming about it before he even met Eiji. Yet Ash felt so strange going about it now that Eiji had made it clear on wanting to do it. Ash would have just kept on kissing him and not going farther than that for as long as it pleased Eiji. In the end, all he wanted to do was please Eiji. 

 

 “I’m a virgin.” Ash then confessed, arms feeling heavy on either side of Eiji’s head. He gave another half smile when he said it, a nervous one nonetheless. Eiji was surprised, but he was only surprised. “Really?” Eiji asked, eyes wide. Ash nodded in reassurance. 

 

Eiji, left Ash’s gaze. “I am also...uh.” The boy blushed, eyes slowly returning to meet Ash’s. They stayed like that for a while, in silent thought. Ash felt so awkward, still hanging over Eiji. He didn’t want to create more distance between them, but somehow he felt so terrified to grow any closer. 

 “I don’t know.” Eiji then spoke, breaking the silence. Eyes fixed on his fingernails as he examined them instead of looking back at Ash. Ash knew he was blushing hard then. “I guessed that you were...experienced, I guess…” Eiji added quietly, eyes looking up at Ash’s red face for only a brief second. “Do I disappoint you?” Ash then responded, his voice quiet enough to be a hum. Now that the room was so quiet, the sound of the cicadas from outside the window Eiji kept open in the kitchen were so loud. “No, just surprised.” Eiji responded, even quieter. He picked at one of his cuticles, and Ash could see that his hands were kind of shaking. Ash’s arms grew tired, so he finally gave in and sat up. He settled on Eiji’s lap, and he knew Eiji was even more surprised by that. 

 

“I don’t want to grow up so fast…” Ash found himself saying then, voice caught in his throat. Eiji looked at him, eyes wide. “I don’t know why but...I just...want to feel like this for a little while longer...  _ inexperienced _ .” Ash chuckled to himself. Eiji nodded in response, thinking hard on Ash’s words. “Then let’s wait.” Eiji then said to Ash, and Ash’s expression relaxed at the sight of Eiji’s friendly smile. He couldn’t help but wonder if Eiji was serious though, if that smile was only a sheer cover over disappointment and shame.“I’m sorry.” Ash told him, feeling guilty that he had to become such a wuss suddenly. He wasn’t typically a sentimental person, and he surely never considered his abstinence sacred by any means. 

“Don’t be.” Eiji responded, sitting up nervously. Ash looked at him in response. “Ok.” He smiled, his guilt was short lived. “Does this mean I get to do more than just kiss you now?” Ash then proposed, trying to find a grip on that confidence he had lost in Eiji’s confession. Eiji became even more red, squirming a little bit underneath Ash. “It’s...ok…” Eiji said softly, looking passed his hands to the side. “Yea-?” Ash responded, leaning forward to place a thumb on Eiji’s chin and moving his face to look at him. 

 

Eiji blushed harder, not able to look away from Ash’s grinning face. “Of course.” He mumbled, flinching when Ash snaked his other hand underneath Eiji’s T-shirt. His skin was so soft and slightly damp with sweat. The heat didn’t really help either Ash or Eiji’s case much. Ash chuckled, massaging his thumb underneath Eiji’s hip bone. Eiji attempted to look away from Ash but Ash gently squeezed his chin. “It’s not fair to act shy now” Ash told him, his head tilted to the side, grinning down at how flustered Eiji was. Eiji gave the boy a short glance, cheeks squished in between Ash’s thumb and fingers. The boy exhaled heavily, his eyes on the floor. “Don’t you think that… what we’re doing isn’t a natural?” Eiji asked him, eyes still fixed away. 

 

Ash tried not to look too stern, but he couldn’t help the heat that suddenly built up in his chest. “Touching you feels like the most natural thing in the world for me.” He told Eiji, pulling the boys chin forward, he pressed his forehead against Eiji’s. He wanted Eiji to see it, he wanted Eiji to see that he was by no means rejecting the boy. His words were true, without a doubt. Touching Eiji felt like roses budding, clouds floating, and the cicada’s humming. If those things had feelings, he felt them all at once as he dragged his fingers across Eiji’s soft peach fuzz ridden skin. There was no beginning or ending to it, as if his infatuation orbited around one thing and one thing only, Eiji. Eiji’s sweet and round brown eyes were finally fixed on his. Ash kept him there, holding the boys face more gently with both his hands. 

 

“I’m relieved.” The boy nervously blushed. “I could never feel wrong with you.” Eiji told him, eyes squinting as he smiled. Ash wanted to stay like that forever.  

**Author's Note:**

> A/N:
> 
> I don't know if anyone is going read this but heyyy I am actually living in Japan right now and just felt inspired to jump back into writing fics. I absolutely love and am totally still heartbroken over Banana Fish. I want to write a pretty story about these amazing two boys so if anyone reads this I hope you can enjoy. I don't use or practice English like I obviously would at school in America so my grammar and punctuation will probably not be perfect. It has been months upon months since I have written probably more than a paragraph in English so, I am sorry in advance. I am just doing this for fun and on my free time so!! hope anyone who reads enjoys!


End file.
